My New Normal

I am uncomfortable but less so than the past two weeks. Once again I am dealing with seroma build up under my arm.

I am worn down by everything I have been through and barely feel like I am among the living. Spending 4 weeks at home will do that to anyone.

"Come back in one month Irene" my doctor told me. "We will start you on Arimidex at that time."

I don't feel like my old self, physically and mentally. I am still feeling disoriented (brain fog) and uncertain about the future.

Tomorrow morning I will see my doctor to have more fluid drained before I go to work. Fluid collection after breast cancer surgery and the removal of sentinel nodes is part of the healing process.

My doctor released me to return to work tomorrow - I begged him to allow me to drive and to let me get back to work when I saw him this past Monday. After a mastectomy and sentinel lymph node removal the normal time out is 6 weeks. I will be going back to work after 4 weeks.

My surgery is over but no matter how much time has passed, the breast cancer experience is never completely over.

Getting back to normal ...

My 'new normal' is what I have to get adjusted to. My life has changed. Normal will never look and feel exactly the same. The only thing I can do is go forward with the rest of my life, one day at a time. I have to adapt to my new normal.

I know I will face challenges ahead but I will cope with them. So many women have done it and are doing it. I draw strength from these other survivors and from my maternal grandmother who had a double radical mastectomy.

I carry my cancer worry with me, silently, and I hope over time the burden lessens. The uncertainty of the present and future is exhausting.

What I must remember is to save my energy for the things that matter to me most and not sweat the small stuff.

What has helped me the most: Janice

Our shared experiences after our surgeries have been the foundation of a beautiful friendship.