Mind Fog

Mind fog, brain freeze, whatever it's called, I just can't think as clearly as I used to, can't find the right words ...

The changes in my ability to think and remember things are obvious to me and sometimes to others. I'll be talking to someone and all of a sudden I can't get a word out - it's somewhere in my brain - and I have had my mom or a friend 'fill in the word' for me.

This mind fog was much worse when I first had my surgery - it has gotten better.

The first time this happened to me was the day I met Sarah for my MRI (and this was before my surgery). I had registered, filled out the forms, etc. After Sarah introduced herself to me, she asked me how I was feeling. My insurance card had gotten misplaced at Dr. Frazier's office so I was concerned about having my driver's license safely back in my wallet. As we walked over to where we wound up sitting down Sarah noticed me checking my wallet. She asked me if everything was okay. I told her what happened with my insurance card and wanted to make sure my license was in my wallet. Only I couldn't get the word license out. The girl who took care of my registration looked at Sarah and mouthed the word 'license' to her. I apologized and told Sarah, "I don't know what just happened, a brain freeze ..."

Sarah explained to me it's normal - the shock of being diagnosed with cancer puts an emotional strain on you.

It was really bad right after my surgery. The anesthesia and the pain meds really did a number on my thought process. It's called cognitive dysfunction. Another term to add to my cancer glossary ...

After my physical therapy today I couldn't remember where I parked my car. I spent an intense hour with Julie, my muscles around my chest and shoulder ached, and the last thing I expected was to walk out to the parking lot and not be able to recall where I parked my car. It's not like the parking lot is like that of the King of Prussia Mall where you have to write down where you parked. And it was only my second appointment - I haven't had time to try out different parking lanes.

My saving grace is my ability to laugh. I have to laugh at myself and my trials and tribulations, or I will wind up going bonkers.