I tell myself it's just my body, using its resources to fight the cancer. I hope that's true. I'm so tired. My legs feel like rubber bands. I am mentally exhausted.
You get tired of fighting sometimes. Tired of telling yourself it will be OK. Tired of telling your friends that you're fine, and acting like it's true. Just tired of dealing with it all: the doctors, the tests, the cancer.
It's funny - the hospitals try to prepare you for all this. They give you notebooks of material, there are books and Web sites, support groups.
And we all react differently to the cancer. So you will read things like "you'll be lethargic, or have plenty of energy." "You'll have no appetite, or you'll be famished." "You'll sleep most of the day, or you'll have insomnia." Sounds pretty much like life to me.
One thing my cancer has done is made me appreciate life so much more.
I am a member of 'The Club' - a not so exclusive club. As much as those close to me are interested and try to understand what I'm going through, I haven't been able to convey it quite as articulately as I would like.
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