Pinkwashing

Thank you Lisa Grey for telling it like it is!

Pinkwashing ...

The many documented cases of breast cancer awareness pink ribbon misuse -- known as "Pinkwashing" -- continue to feed the spirit of the "Pinktober Grinch."

A South Florida breast cancer survivor said "the desecration" of the pink ribbon is not only wrong, but it is disrespectful to those who have died of breast cancer. Another said that associating it with "sexy," "cute" and "girly" images is hurting awareness, because the disease is ugly.

Lisa Grey, 45, of Delray Beach, agrees. She has lost many friends, who were fellow survivors.  Not all of them had advanced cancer. Some were diagnosed early, and believed they were in remission, when the cancer came back to kill them.

"Survivors are always waiting for the other shoe to drop. It’s an on-going wait," Grey said. "We try not to dwell on it. But the wolf is always at the door.

"There’s nothing pink and pretty about that wolf."

Grey is one of the many survivors, who said they despised the instances when  irresponsible entrepreneurs linked the pink ribbon to products with ingredients suspected of causing cancer. In turn, the donations they were getting were not contributing to the researching of such chemicals.

"It’s a vicious circle ...  there is barely any research being done to show the effects of xenoestrogens – ingredients that act like estrogens in the body -  on the development of breast cancer," Grey said.

In the seven years since she was diagnosed, she said she has seen "cancer-contributing" products slapped with a pink ribbon and sold to an unsuspecting public during the month of October.

"The pink ribbons give the general public the false sense that they are doing something to 'cure' us. But no one questions where their donation is going," Grey said.

In 2007, Grey was diagnosed with stage 2 breast cancer; the highest stage is a 4. She had surgery to remove her two breasts and underwent chemotherapy. And she takes as many precautions as she can -- including staying vigilant about her exposure to toxic chemicals that may have contributed to causing the cancer.

Education on chemicals to avoid to stay healthy is important, Grey said. A good example of how much this is lacking is the American Cancer Society’s "Look Good, Feel Better" program, which helps patients with a make-up lesson and a gift bag. Grey loves the concept, but she believes organizers should seek out donors of natural beauty products.

From anger to frustration, breast cancer survivors said they hope their message is not one of bitterness, but of raising awareness on the exploitation of people's good will. Grey said pink ribbon supporters do things out of the goodness of their hearts. The culprit is ignorance.

"Don’t even get me started on all the beauty products containing parabens and artificial chemicals," Grey said. "We’re rubbing toxic lotions and antiperspirants on our bodies every day, and we don’t know it."

Pumpkin

George is so handsome!



BOO!

When You're Smiling

I love Louis Armstrong!

I saw a blind man,
He was a kind man,
Helping a fellow along,
One could not see,
One could not walk,
But they both were humming this song;

When you're smiling, When you're smiling, 
The whole world smiles with you,
When you're laughing, When you're laughing,
The sun comes shining through,
But when you're crying you bring on the rain,
So stop your sighing be happy again,
Keep on smiling 'cause when you're smiling,
The whole world smiles with you.

I used to worry,
I used to hurry,
Each time it started to rain,
Now I see light,
Learned wrong from right,
And you'll never hear me complain;

When you're smiling, When you're smiling, 
The whole world smiles with you,
When you're laughing, When you're laughing,
The sun comes shining through,
But when you're crying you bring on the rain,
So stop your sighing be happy again,
Keep on smiling 'cause when you're smiling,
The whole world smiles with you.

Waiting. Again.

One week cancer-free.

You always have cancer - it's about managing your disease and staying in remission.

Sarah, my cancer buddy, called. The Oncotype lab is in California. It takes about 2 weeks to get the profile of the tumor.

My tumor was estrogen fed.

Waiting to see if I will need chemotherapy or not.

If my number is low, I will not need chemo - just estrogen blocking pills.

You do a lot of 'waiting' with cancer.

Listening to Jennifer Warnes ...

"Ain't no miracle bein' born
People doin' it everyday
Ain't no miracle growin' old
People just roll that way

So it goes like it goes and the river flows
And time it rolls right on
And maybe what's good gets a little bit better
And maybe what's bad gets gone ..."

Jennifer Warnes (Norma Rae)

Drains Removed / Oncotype DX test

Had my post-op appointment with Dr. Frazier. He told me they are waiting for the results of the Oncotype DX test. Basically, the tumor is profiled. Once the tumor's profile is received, the best treatment option (targeted therapy) can be picked.

Dr. Frazier told me as soon as he receives the results of the Oncotype DX test, then we'll know which treatment plan we'll use:

Chemotherapy ... or

an estrogen pill (i.e., Herceptin)

I looked up Herceptin ...

The most common side effects associated with Herceptin in patients with breast cancer are fever, nausea, vomiting, infusion reactions, diarrhea, infections, increased cough, headache, fatigue, shortness of breath, rash, low white and red blood cells, and muscle pain. Can also cause heart problems.

Good thing I stopped smoking!

Kathy, Dr. Frazier's nurse, removed my tubes. The one tube wasn't too bad ... the other ... OUCH! It was so deep when she pulled the tube I felt it sliding out of my chest (tremendous amount of pressure). She removed the steri-strips. Covered my scar loosely with a pad that she rubbed hydrocortisone cream on. The area is very raw. If I develop blisters, I am to apply hydrocortisone cream.

I can apply Lubriderm or any other fragrance free lotion on scar - it will start to 'pull' ...

The two holes were covered with gauge & tape. There may be some residual leaking. Need to check and change dressings as needed.

I need to get some rest.

I see Dr. Frazier on October 13th at 4:30 pm. Hopefully, he will have the tumor's profile and we'll know what direction we will take.

Autumn / Seeds

My dad preparing his seeds for next season.



Denise ... blowing after mowing.



Such a beautiful day!



The long string beans my dad plants every year are from Greece (the original seeds).



F#$king Monsanto! How many people has this company killed around the world with their genetically modified seeds.

Our packaged food now has another label:

GMO Free

Look for GMO Free on packaging when you shop if you want your purchase to be free of Monsanto's cancer-causing influence in the food industry. Everything this company is involved in causes cancer!

I am getting upset ... need to lay down and rest.

JP Drains

3 to 4 times a day, I 'milk' my tubes. Milking is clearing up any clots that prevent blood and liquids from draining into the 2 rubber cups.

It may seem overwhelming, but after a few times you become pretty good at it. My cousin Sophia came over Friday night to visit and to check my scar and drains. She's a nurse practitioner.

The patient takes on more responsibility. At first I thought, how can they expect us - the patients - to milk tubes, to become part of the post-op team?! Don't we have enough on our plates? But then it finally made sense to me - if you are kept busy ... you don't have time to think.

I noticed the men (my father, uncle, cousins, etc.) have a difficult time when they see my two drains. Women are really nonchalant - they don't become squeamish or turn yellow in the face!

The color of the liquid goes from red to pink and then to a 'straw' color. Each day you have less and less fluid. Once each drain reaches 30 cc's of liquid or less per day, then you can have them removed.

Tomorrow at 10:30 I will see Dr. Frazier. He will check my drains and hopefully will remove them. They are actually stitched into my skin. Sophia told me it hurts when they remove the tubes and recommended I take my painkillers a couple hours before my appointment. I can't imagine the pain being any worse than what I have already experienced.

Pain is good. If you feel pain, you know you are alive and kicking!

Strength through Adversity

So many times I said to myself, 'can I do this, will I be able to get through this?'

Time heals. It's true. I feel stronger today. I sat outside for about an hour. It felt good to get some fresh air.

"If you take a hard look at the people in your life, you may be blown away by how many explorers and survivalists surround you. Everyday, I'm amazed by the number of people I meet, who have climbed Mt. Everest, time and time again ... without ever having been to the Himalayas. ~ José N. Harris"

To all cancer patients and their families and friends - keep climbing!

The view is incredible when you reach the top. Life is good ... no ... life is great!

It Is What It Is

Feeling Better

Arrived home yesterday with instructions for post-op care, prescriptions for Oxycodone, Cephalexin and Ondansetron.

Took a shower with the help of my mom and disposable underwear provided by the nurse who trained me on the 'two drains' (Jackson Pratt drains). Alice showed me how to empty the drains and how to clip them on the disposable underwear while I take a shower. I was even trained on what to do in case of a leaking drain site (which occurred the day after my surgery). Joe, the nurse on duty when this scary leak occurred, 'plugged' my leak up. I thought it was sweat at first, but it turned out to be blood and lymph fluid.

Today is Friday, September 26th.

I checked the tubing on my drains for any clots. Patients are trained on how to squeeze the tube to 'free' the flow of fluids. I 'milked' my tubes.

Dr. Frazier will remove the drains, hopefully on Monday when I see him at 10:30. Can't wait!

Comfortably Numb

Comfortably numb.

Dilaudid vs Oxycodone. They keep giving me pain meds to stay 'ahead' of the pain.

Two ice packs tonight. If I am able to get through the night, then I can do anything!

How can you rest when they come in to check on you every hour?

Love you all.

Cousin Maria, I forgot to ask you how Mano's Achilles Tendon surgery went.

My brain is foggy. Everything is slow-motion for me.

14 hrs left ...

My surgery is at 10:00 tomorrow morning.

I have to register at The Warden Lobby at 8:00. Then we go up to The Green Room on the 3rd Fl.

I'm a little anxious but ready to go!

Dr. Frazier, I'm ready for my close-up!

I love animals. This is a picture taken six years ago - I dog-sat Hooper while my friend Jimmy was on vacation.



Bryn Mawr Hospital - get ready - a warrior is coming tomorrow morning!

Janice, ready to rumble!!!

Can't Wait - Maria & Kids

My sister's flight was delayed in Athens 2 hrs & 15 min.

Katerina (my cousin Jerry's wife), Joanne & Alex Hristoforatos are on the same flight.

Katerina will miss her connecting flight to Tampa. She must be exhausted. Her trip - Thesaloniki - Athens - Philadelphia - Tampa.

I can't describe in words how happy I will be to hug my sister and the kids!

John is leaving to pick them up from the airport in a half hour. He canceled his flight to Lexington, Kentucky last night. So glad John will be here this week.

Cousin George - Part II

I just got off the phone with my cousin George. It was great talking to him. He asked me how I was feeling mentally. I told him I have our grandmother as an example - she was very positive and a warrior.

He told me the following which made me laugh so hard my stomach hurt:

When our grandmother had her first mastectomy and was returning back to her house she noticed a utility worker digging a hole in the street. She asked the worker, "what are you digging?"

The worker (who probably hated his job) replied, "your grave."

My grandmother lived happily the next 16 years and then found out she had to have a second mastectomy.

Before her second surgery she kept saying, "I wish I could see that utility worker in my dream. He told me he was digging my grave, and I'm still alive!"

We are all warriors in my family!

Cousin George

My cousin George from Florida called (I heard the beep) but was on the phone with Bryn Mawr Hospital Admissions to find out what time my surgery is scheduled.

My surgery is at 10:00 am tomorrow. I have to be at The Warden Lobby at 8:00 am.

I left George a voicemail. Please call me back cousin on my cell (610.529.0873).

If you are reading this post, and as I said on my voicemail to you, I love you cousin!

Here's to Life

I love you dad! I'm listening to some of my favorite tunes.

One of my all time favorite songs that only Joe Williams could sing with passion is Here's to Life.

My sister and I saw Joe Williams and Nancy Wilson in concert many years ago (The Mellon Jazz Festival). I was fortunate to be able to get tickets. My sister and I started crying when Joe Williams closed his set with Here's to Life. He came back out for an encore and sang the song again.

My parents love Joe Williams' CD's when I play them.

Here's to Life (Joe Williams)

No complaints and no regrets 
I still believe in chasing dreams and placing bets 
but I have learned that all you give is all you get 
so give it all you got 

I had my share I drank my fill 
and even though I'm satisfied I'm hungry still 
to see whats down the road behind the hill 
and do it all again 

So here's to life 
and every joy it brings 
so here's to life 
to dreamers and their dreams 

Funny how the time just flies
a love can go from warm hellos to sad goodbyes 
and leave you with the memories you memorized 
to keep your winters warm 

There is no yes in yesterday 
and who knows what tomorrow brings or takes away 
as long as I'm still in the game I want to play 
for laughs, for life, for love 

So here's to life 
and every joy it brings 
here's to life 
to dreamers and their dreams 

may all your strorms be weathered 
and all that's good get better 
here's to life, here's to love, here's to you 

may all your storms be weathered 
and all that's good get better 
here's to life, here's to love, here's to you

Here's to Life dad!

Anna-Maria, Eleni & Ari

Eleni, my sister & I went to junior high school together when we lived in Greece. Despite the distance, we keep in touch via phone and social media.

We are like sisters; whenever we go to Greece we always get together.

ELENI, SING WITH ME!

Born to be Wild

Get your motor running
Head out on the highway
Looking for adventure
And whatever comes our way

Yeah darling, gonna make it happen
Take the world in a love embrace
Fire all of your guns at once 
And explode into space

I like smoke and lightning
Heavy metal thunder
Racing with the wind
And the feeling that I'm under

Yeah darling, gonna make it happen
Take the world in a love embrace
Fire all of your guns at once 
And explode into space

Like a true nature's child
We were born
Born to be wild
We can climb so high
I never wanna die

Born to be wild
Born to be wild ...

~ Steppenwolf

Ari - 'perastika sou agori mou. Eimouna sto nosokomeio otan genithikes. Tha ginis kala. Kali sou mera kai kali dinami.

Theano & Family

Theano, Gina & Kosta (and their twins).

I wonder if Gina's daughters have the same special bond that I have with my sister!

There's two to wash, two to dry;
There's two who argue, two who cry.
There's two to kiss, two to hug;
And best of all, there's two to love!
~Author Unknown

Theia Bella & Katerina

Theia Bella and cousin Katerina with my sister and the kids.

My Theia Bella's son-in-law is battling cancer as well.

Keep hope alive Theia!

Kane ipomoni Theia. Sas agapo poli kai sas eho epithimisi. Polla filakia se olous!

John & Hannah

John and Hannah are back home!

So happy to see them!

Dear Cleo

Dear Cleo,

You lost the battle to breast cancer but you fought the good fight!

I miss you much. I too am fighting this dreadful disease. Since September 8th there is not a day that goes by when I don't think of you.

You were a warrior!



Love you and miss you big time.

May you continue to rest in peace.

I'm Ready for My Close-Up

All right, Dr. Frazier, I'm ready for my close-up.

How do I feel? Like Gloria Swanson in Sunset Boulevard.

Busting a gut!

It's 4:00 am. I can't sleep. Watching an old movie with William Holden and Gloria Swanson.

--------

Sunset Boulevard was directed and co-written by the great Billy Wilder. The movie made the top 20 of the AFI’s 100 Years / 100 Movies both times it was formulated, and also has two quotes in the top 25 of AFI’s 100 Years / 100 Movie quotes:

“All right, Mr. DeMille, I’m ready for my close-up.” (#7) and

“I am big. It’s the pictures that got small.” (#25)

BRCA1/2 , Lumpectomy/Mastectomy - 2 Days ...

People have asked me, "why a mastectomy?"

Two reasons:

Before I spoke to Karen, Dr. Frazier's surgical coordinator, I spoke to Jamie, a genetic counselor. She asked me a series of questions over the phone. Because my maternal grandmother had breast cancer, and 4 of my father's brothers died of cancer, there were 'red flags' during my interview.

Some inherited gene mutations increase breast cancer risk. BRCA1 and BRCA2 (BReast CAncer genes 1 and 2) are the best-known genes linked to breast cancer. People who have a BRCA1 or BRCA2 mutation have an increased risk of breast cancer and (for women) ovarian cancer.

Most importantly, Dr. Frazier told me if I have a lumpectomy (where the tumor is removed only) followed by radiation treatments, there is a 17% risk that I may develop 'another' cancer.

Why live the rest of my life worrying that I may develop 'another' cancer?

With a mastectomy, there is a 1% chance that my cancer may come back.

There are no guarantees when it comes to cancer.

2 days left ...

These Dreams - 3 Days ...

Sis ...

"Maybe we were just too young to know
But now and then I feel the same,
And sometimes at night I think
I hear you calling my name,
Mmm-hmm-mmm these dreams
They keep me going these days ..."

Tonight Jim Croce is keeping me company.

We have to dream, because it gives us hope. I've been dreaming of wheels. Remember when we drove to Vermont with Denise, all the bikers - beautiful mountains. Vermont was 'green' before it became cool to go 'green' ...

Denise, I'm going to buy a motorcycle after this is all over. As soon as I get better and am able to drive I want you to come with me to Cycle City. I haven't told giagia or pappou yet but once I pull up in the driveway with my wheels they will accept it. Our parents always do!

Sort of like when you told your parents, "I want to buy a jeep." At first they were upset, but then they said okay.

Life is short. If I don't get a bike now, when will I get it?

I've even found the one I want - 2014 Honda CTX700. It's a nice bike!

Get a motorcycle license so you can ride it too.



Here's a picture of it:



Do you like it?

All of a sudden, I feel 20 all over again.

Janice, how are you feeling? Hope our rooms in the hospital are close to each other. I can't wait until Tuesday to meet your family. The waiting is the hardest part.

I am trying to live in the moment but the past and my hopes for the future prevent me from doing so.

I've had people ask me, "does it hurt?" It doesn't. Cancer grows silently ...

I am living my life each day as if it were my last. I cherish every moment, every second.

Good night Janice. We're going to be okay!

My Family's Return

John & Hannah are flying back tomorrow. Can't wait to see them. Monday morning John has to fly out to Lexington, Kentucky.



Maria, Denise and Manoli are flying back Monday. I know I will cry tears of joy. I miss them all so much! Sis, I know you are getting anxious. You don't like flying. Mom can hear your anxiety in your voice on the phone. Do what I do ... Drink a couple of Bloody Mary's, read a book, do a crossword puzzle, etc. and before you know it - the time - 10 hrs & 55 min - will go by sooner than you think.

Remember the morning of our flight back from Chicago with John? Whatever you do, don't drink any Acai Absolute! I still watch the video and it makes me laugh. Priceless!

What a Wonderful World

I woke up at 8:30 this morning and sat outside. It's a beautiful day. I'll let my dad and my sister bring in my cacti. I love all flowers but give me a cactus and I'll give you a hug. I even have an 'Athanato' from Kefalonia that I take good care of. The Morning Glories that my sister planted are beautiful. Once in a while I catch hummingbirds near them. By the time I get my camera on my phone ready to take a shot, they're gone.



Nikki and I took cuttings from a Jade plant outside our IT Dept. at work. I waited until the ends calcified, planted them, and they are doing great.

My dad, sister and I love to garden. It's late in the season and my dad has a few tomatoes here and there in his vegetable garden.

I felt so bad that his 5 fig trees were wiped out after this past winter. It was too cold. If you know Kefalonites, you know fig trees are very important to them. He pruned them and all 5 trees are coming back to life but we will not enjoy any figs for at least a few years.

Tomatoes, peppers, cucumbers, string beans, basil, parsley (every kind of herb imaginable). I planted some Lemon Balm and I wash a few leaves and put it in iced tea. Lemon Balm calms you naturally. Lavender, my favorite scent, also has a calming affect.



My family and I are not the only ones to enjoy the fruits of our labor. Birds, squirrels, rabbits, chipmunks, etc.

There are two chipmunks that I feed sunflower seeds and peanuts. They live under our cement patio under the first step. I have taken pictures of both ... Like clockwork, as soon as I go outside in the back yard, they come out.



Ying (the name I have given to one of the little buggers) sat on one of my plants, dug a hole in my other plant, dropped a peanut and then proceeded to cover it up. He is preparing for the winter months.

Yes dad, I confess, it's me. I'm the culprit ... I'm guilty of feeding the birds and chipmunks!

(While my dad hangs shiny strips of plastic in his vegetable garden to keep the animals away, I come out - when he is not around - and feed them!)

A few of my favorite things:

The sun, the sea, the creatures in the sea, animals, flowers, and ... coffee!

"I see trees of green, red roses too
I see them bloom for me and you
And I think to myself what a wonderful world.

I see skies of blue and clouds of white
The bright blessed day, the dark sacred night
And I think to myself what a wonderful world.

The colors of the rainbow so pretty in the sky
Are also on the faces of people going by 
I see friends shaking hands saying how do you do
They're really saying I love you.

I hear babies crying, I watch them grow
They'll learn much more than I'll never know
And I think to myself what a wonderful world
Yes I think to myself what a wonderful world."

Louis Armstrong has kept me company many sleepless nights.

Indeed ... What a Wonderful World!

Cousin Niko ('Dalika')

My cousin Nick, Leta's brother just texted me the following:

"My son said he only drinks on two occasions. When its his birthday, and when its not. I'm so glad I raised such a nice boy."

Busting a gut!

After Midnight - 5 days ...

I spent some time talking with my parents in our family room. My dad went to bed around 10:30.

My mom and I talked for quite some time.

I told her I had a couple of messages from my cousin Maria in Greece. I showed her my recent posts on my blog. She started crying.

I am so happy Manoli and Denise spent time with my Aunt Zoi and my Uncle John. The pictures helped me to smile at a time when smiling is very difficult for me.

My mother is holding on by a thread. I know that once my surgery is over she will collapse. She is mentally and emotionally spent.

I told her I'm fine mom, go lay down and get some sleep. Tomorrow is another day.

It's 1:00 am

I am watching The Pumpkin Eater (1964) with Anne Bancroft. (As an aside, Anne Bancroft died of cancer). Her performance in this movie is amazing. Anyone who suffers from depression will appreciate this movie.

When I'm feeling down I watch depressing movies and I listen to depressing songs. Listening to Muddy Waters cataloging broken hearts, sick children, and lives that ended too soon can give you a cathartic release like no other. Chances are you’ll quickly realize that your own problems probably aren’t as bad as they seem. 

I had to pick up my meds from the shopping center (CVS). What CD did I listen and sing along to? The Carpenters Greatest Hits!

(Sit And Cycle commercial is on the TV now in the background ... "why just sit when you can sit and cycle. You won't find sit and cycle in any store so call now!") The shit that they try to sell us. How can you sit on a cycle and honestly call that a 'workout'? What's sad is that some trailer park queen probably saw this commercial and is ordering one right now.

I will try to get some rest. With The Pumpkin Eater and the lousiest late night commercials it's hard relaxing.

I must try to get some sleep.

Giagia and Buddy

Denise, Buddy kept crying today. He is truly lost without you ... I took a bath in your tub and he came in and sat on the rug.

I was trying to relax and he was all over me, kneading, purring, licking me. Poor thing misses you big time.

Giagia came upstairs and calmed him down. You better hurry home or you will be feeding him Gerber baby food, Starkist tuna and fried porgy!



"What greater gift than the love of a cat? ~ Charles Dickens"

People who frequently pet their cats have lower stress levels and reduced blood pressure. Having a friendly cat around can speed up recovery from a variety of health problems. Cats are good for us, mentally and physically.

Actually it turns out that petting a cat is not just good for humans, it also has medical benefits for the cat. Veterinarians at the Cornell Feline Health Center tested a cat's blood pressure following petting. They attached a small pressure cuff to a cat's leg and checked the blood pressure after different lengths of petting. After being stroked for five minutes blood pressure dropped by 25 points, indicating the cat was calmer and less stressed.

My cat Gypsy is 16 years old. Felix and Oscar are 14. Buddy is 11.

Every cat year is equal to 7 human years.

So Gypsy is 112, Felix and Oscar are 98, and Buddy is 77!



That's right mom, keep petting Buddy. Within 5-10 minutes your stress and Buddy's stress levels will go down.

I love all animals. They bring us such joy.

More 'Greek' pics ...

I love you Manoli, Denise & Hannah for making me laugh!

Velvendo, Greece ...



This picture is really cool Manoli!



Good night kids. Sweet dreams ...

'Let's take a Greek picture' ...

My family and I take lots of pictures. We also take 'Greek' pictures ...

What are 'Greek' pictures? Many years ago in Greece when families would get their portraits taken ... the poses were always serious! Hence, when we say, "okay, now let's take a Greek picture" we get really serious.

Throughout my sister's vacation in Greece they have taken 'funny' and serious 'Greek pics' ...

How can I not bust a gut!

Stop Denise, Manoli & Hannah or I will wet my pants!



Denise, thanks for sending me these set of pictures. I got the last set from Kefalonia and downloaded them ... You all look exhausted. You're going to need a vacation from your vacation!

My grandfather Gerasimo (giagia's father used to go through the Corinth Canal.)

Damn! The hotel you are staying at in Athens is gorgeous!

Theio Gianni, Theia Zoi & Kids

Thank you Denise and Manoli.

When I downloaded the pictures, the following quote came to mind:

"A family's photograph album is generally about the extended family and, often, is all that remains of it. ~ Susan Sontag"

More pictures to add to my blog!



My Uncle Caesar is flying in from Florida Wednesday to see me ... Oh how I wish my Aunt Zoi could come too!

It's not easy ...

Despite the distance separating us, with my journal, I can keep my aunt, uncle and cousin Maria in Greece updated with regard to my surgery on Tuesday.

Thank you Maria for reaching out to me via LinkedIn.

Ouranio-tokso will be fine! I remember when you were little and would call me that! I also remember renting The Shining (videotape!) and the two of us watching it together.

HERE'S JOHNNY!

Relatives - Part II

Eleni Gage is the daughter of writer Nicholas Gage. His book Eleni is the story of his mother who was murdered during the Greek Civil War. Eleni was adapted for film in 1985 - John Malkovitch played the role of Nick Gage.
Eleni Gage returned to the small village of Lia in Northern Greece with the intention of rebuilding her murdered Grandmother's house. This is the house in which she was kept prisoner and the house from which she made her final journey. Eleni's father and his sisters have all since settled in America and the house is now inhabitable. Eleni was determined that she would restore it to its former glory - much to the dismay of her aunts who were convinced that something evil would happen to her if she dared to disturb the house with such sad memories.

North Of Ithaka is Eleni's story, and it is well written. It's part memoir and part history and makes compelling and fascinating reading. Eleni was welcomed into the bosom of village life, probably because her family was well-known in the area, but the warmth and kindness of her neighbors is overwhelming - as is the frustration and irritation that Eleni felt as she encountered some of the difficulties in getting anyone in Greece to work quickly and on time. I lived in Greece and getting anything done requires patience.

I found the lives of the villagers, their customs and their beliefs facinating because I could relate to them.

I read Nicholas Gage's Eleni many years ago and saw the movie. I bought Eleni at the Chandres Hotel in Nea Smirni, Greece. I started reading it immediately and couldn't stop.

After I came back home (I had taken a year off between jobs) I told my sister, "you have to read this book."

My mom one day mentioned to me that Nicholas Gage was coming to St. Demetrios. She asked if I would go ... I couldn't make it so I gave my mom my book and asked her if she would ask Nicholas Gage to sign my copy. He did ...

He also signed Cleo's copy - her mom had brought Cleo's book and had it signed.

Thank you cousin Leta for the wonderful book, North of Ithaka!

I met my cousin Leta last Friday, the 12th, at the Starbuck's on Lancaster Avenue near work for some 'coffee talk' ... It was great seeing Leta. She lost her father to cancer and her mother died giving birth to her twin brothers.

You're right Leta ... our family is strong - we are all warriors!

Relatives - Part I

Many extended family members have stopped by and visited my family and I. We also keep in touch via the phone.

I honestly don't know how my parents and I could have handled the past three weeks without their support. These visits are a welcome distraction and I enjoy their company.

"I know why families were created with all their imperfections. They humanize you. They are made to make you forget yourself occasionally, so that the beautiful balance of life is not destroyed. ~ Anais Nin"



Maria stopped by last week with Effie. Effie brought me a card - she wrote a beautiful passage that inspires me and reminds me to keep strong. I was very touched by the card and the large pack of Extra Sweet Watermelon gum (my choice of gum when the 'shit would hit the fan' at New Tiny). Chewing gum helped when the stress level would start to go up. Love ya lots Nick, Maria, Will & Effie!

This picture was taken at the Baptist Church on the corner of State Street & Manchester Ave. in Media. We volunteered to help those who are less fortunate in life on Thanksgiving Day.

If everyone volunteered to help the homeless and poor the world would be a much better place.

Maria will stop by to visit me this afternoon. She will bring a bacon pizza! My mom and I love bacon pizza!

Glasses - 6 Days ..

One of the gag gifts Denise & Manoli bought my sister and I for our 50th birthday is a book called 'Laugh Lines' ... I read the entire book and laughed out loud. From birth to your 50's!



In addition to being diagnosed with breast cancer when I turned 50 ... I also needed glasses. I picked them up from Dr. Mike (I can't pronounce his last name so I call him Dr. Mike.) I had them fitted and they really make a difference.

Like I said in a prior post, the term Over the Hill has new meaning for me ...

LMAO!

6 days left ...

Pre-Op & Post-Op Training (Janice, keep your chin up!)

I met with Sara, my cancer buddy, and Janice at the Breast Center for our training. Janice had a lumpectomy 10 years ago, followed by radiation and Tamoxifen (one pill per day). She was 41 at the time. Her cancer came back and she is having a mastectomy. I felt so bad for her because some friends and family members are judging her for not getting a mastectomy 10 years ago. Can you imagine? I told her to tune all of these assholes out.

We were told what we need to do before the surgery and what to expect after the surgery.

Last night Julia came over with George, my cousin Ourania, and Christina (my cousin Nick's wife).

I kept feeling pain under my arm pit ...

Called Dr. Frazier's office in the early morning hours - got the answering service. The woman on the phone sounded like she hated her job. Left message. Called Sara, left message. Sara called me back within 15 minutes. Got showered and dressed and left the house at 7:00 am.

Sara recommended I stop working, but I went to work this morning, although I did leave at 11:00.

Tomorrow I will stay home and Monday I had already put in for a VDay (the day before my surgery). I took 3 Tylenol last night, which doesn't work as well as Advil.

I am home now which sucks because I get depressed when I'm home 'sick' ...

Kathy from Dr. Frazier's office called and asked me if I was running a fever and to let her know.

I had a physical and EKG at my family doctor's office yesterday. When Dr. Fleischer took my temperature it was 98.1. My blood pressure was 114/70 ...

Sometimes patients develop an infection after a biopsy, which is normal. Kathy told me not to worry, keep checking my temperature, and if I do run a fever, call her back for antibiotics.

Needless to say, I've had a trying day ...

My mom keeps checking my forehead to see if I'm running a fever. Busting a gut!

Breast Cancer Awareness T-Shirt - 6 Days ...

Denise, thanks for the Breast Cancer Awareness t-shirt - the pink ribbon that you wear is for all the women in "The Club" (patients, survivors ... the term I like most is warriors).

We're all in this fight together!

I met with Professor Preston in her office this morning and her two dogs who were all over me! I felt compassion and love right away. She had a double mastectomy 10 years ago and is doing great. Buddy is the name of one of her dogs ... how about that for coincidence! I will email her after the surgery to let her know how I am doing.



Maria & John, I miss you both big time! The day that you married my sister John you became my brother. Can't wait to see you & Hannah on Sunday!



Love ya lots! Always remember that!

Breast Cancer Social Media

No breast cancer patient is going to find essential details about treatment from the Web sites of breast cancer organizations. We find this info from other patients. The organizations may have been founded with the best intention to end disease but each is ultimately vested in its own survival. Patient communities, on the other hand, and patients within social media, exist to help educate and help each other. Patients share freely. It is interactive, dynamic, and powerful, not a one-way street like a newspaper.

Whatever your search on breast cancer ... just add the word 'blogs' at the end. There are many cancer patients out there who keep a journal of their journey as I do.

It makes me feel good to write about my experience and to share my hopes and fears with other patients.

Exhaustion, Part II

I tell myself it's just my body, using its resources to fight the cancer. I hope that's true. I'm so tired. My legs feel like rubber bands. I am mentally exhausted.

You get tired of fighting sometimes. Tired of telling yourself it will be OK. Tired of telling your friends that you're fine, and acting like it's true. Just tired of dealing with it all: the doctors, the tests, the cancer.

It's funny - the hospitals try to prepare you for all this. They give you notebooks of material, there are books and Web sites, support groups.

And we all react differently to the cancer. So you will read things like "you'll be lethargic, or have plenty of energy." "You'll have no appetite, or you'll be famished." "You'll sleep most of the day, or you'll have insomnia." Sounds pretty much like life to me.

One thing my cancer has done is made me appreciate life so much more.

I am a member of 'The Club' - a not so exclusive club. As much as those close to me are interested and try to understand what I'm going through, I haven't been able to convey it quite as articulately as I would like.

Pain - 7 Days ...

Today was a bad day. Last night for the first time I felt my tumor. I measured the distance and found it. Despite the terrible bruising from the biopsy I persisted and felt it. It's hard ... I didn't mention this to my parents. The less they know, the better.

When I got to work and logged onto my computer, I started crying. I don't know why, but it ended when Nikki called me up to mention she would be a few minutes late.

My mom cried a lot this morning. She kept holding it inside and finally she just let it out. I hugged her and cried. Nothing like a good crying spell between mother & daughter to start off the day depressed.

I told my mom it's okay to cry. It's okay to be afraid. These are normal emotions considering the circumstances.

It's a double whammy for my mom. She is dealing with my cancer and with my sister and her family being far away ... She misses Maria, John & the kids. I do too.

I can see the pain in my mother's eyes.

An individual doesn't get cancer, a family does. - Terry Tempest Williams

I wrote this recently to an aunt who I haven't seen in years. I'm almost certain she understood this quote - her mother battled breast cancer and had a double mastectomy.



This picture was taken last Wednesday. A picture worth a thousand words! George and I are very close and I love him dearly.

Tomorrow night Julia and little George will stop by to visit as they do every week.

Last Wednesday when they came over Julia brought Cocoa, their guinea pig. I watched Cocoa at my house while Julia visited her parents with George in Crimea. She brought me a neat ship w/six little drinking cups as a gift from Russia. A 'drinking' gift of course!

I was touched by the fact that she brought Cocoa so that I could see him. I really got attached to him while they were gone.

George reminds me so much of my nephew. I took him to his karate lesson the week before they left for their vacation.

I'm looking forward to seeing them tomorrow. George and I play a game with paper planes, docks and boats in Maria's dining room. Oh how he smiles, and when he smiles I smile. Children bring out the best in us ...

Every morning I recite a beautiful quote, which has become my mantra. It helps me deal with the pain the fear, etc.

"Bad things do happen; how I respond to them defines my character and the quality of my life. I can choose to sit in perpetual sadness, immobilized by the gravity of my hardship, or I can choose to rise from the pain and treasure the most precious gift I have – life itself." - Walter Anderson

Tomorrow I will meet my nurse navigator, my cancer buddy, and Janice, another patient battling breast cancer. We will have our pre-op training at the Comprehensive Breast Center.

I will then go to work and meet Professor Anne Preston (Economics Dept.) whose office is in the same building that I work in (Stokes). She had a double mastectomy. It's good to talk to breast cancer survivors.

Then I will try and get as much work done as possible. I have to leave at 1:45 for the last of my two tests before my surgery: a physical and an EKG.

7 days left ...

Manoli & Denise

Miss you big time! Take care of your mom. I can see dark circles under her eyes.



I'm fine. 8 more days ...

Can't wait until the 22nd when I pick you & your mom up at the airport.

Tell your dad to call me Sunday as soon as he lands with Hannah. I'll be there to pick them up. Sorry that your dad has to fly to Kentucky on Monday but ... work is work!

Giagia and papou send you their love.

Hope Hanna likes Greece. How can anyone NOT love Greece?!

Sentinel Lymph Node Biopsy

This morning I called Karen (the surgical coordinator). The surgery will be approximately three hours long.

I will be injected with radioactive dye and the dye will then be drained into my nodes. They will perform a Sentinel Lymph Node Biopsy.



What is a Sentinel Lymph Node Biopsy?

The sentinel node is the first lymph node that a tumor drains into. So, it’s the first place that cancer is likely to spread. In breast cancer, the sentinel node is usually one of the axillary lymph nodes in the armpit. A sentinel lymph node biopsy can be performed at the same time as a lumpectomy or a mastectomy. During the biopsy, one or more lymph nodes are removed. These are sent to the lab to be studied. If there are cancer cells in the sentinel node, this means the cancer has likely spread outside the breast. But if no cancer cells are found in the sentinel node, this means the cancer has probably not spread. A sentinel node biopsy gives the doctors valuable information, with less risk to you than some other procedures.

How is the Sentinel Node Found?

There are 2 methods for finding the sentinel node. Your surgeon may use 1 or both of these techniques:

A blue dye may be injected near the breast tissue. Then, its path into the lymph nodes is tracked. The dye collects in the sentinel node.

A small amount of a safe radioactive solution may be injected near the tumor. A gamma detector is then used to find the “hotspot,” which is the node where the solution has collected.

There are risks:

Infection
Bleeding
Fluid collection (seroma)
Pain or numbness
Long-term swelling of the arm (lymphedema)

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After I spoke to Karen, I spoke to Sara, my nurse navigator - cancer buddy. We were supposed to have my pre-op training over the phone. Sara mentioned there is another patient - Janice - who is a bit down. Janice is having the same surgery I am having and on the same day as my surgery. Sara asked if I would be willing to go to the Breast Center this Wednesday at 7:30 am and have the pre-op training with Janice instead of today over the phone. I told her it was fine - I will be there at 7:30. I'll even give Janice my cell phone number.

I can only imagine what Janice must be feeling.

Will this be the final leg of the difficult 'cancer' journey?

I wonder if she sits in front of the mirror as I do and stares at her 'sick' breast?

Has she lost her appetite? Has she lost weight? Does she have a difficult time sleeping?

Does she feel as though she is in some sort of twilight zone, this is all a bad dream, this can't really be happening?

Hang in there Janice. Five years from now we'll be looking back and laughing at ourselves!

Relief - 8 days ...

Relief ...

My MRI results of both breasts came back. What looked suspicious on my left breast is benign. I am so grateful!

I kept looking at the photo I took of the films of the right & left breasts and words cannot describe how relieved I am that my left breast is healthy.



I have lost all sense of time ... 8 days until my surgery. I can't wait!

Hope - 9 days ...

Battling breast cancer can take an emotional toll on everyone involved - from the diagnosed to her family members. Inspiration can run short and comfort is in high demand.

Whether you are a survivor, a warrior or a family member, hang in there, and never give up hope.

What has helped me is knowing there are others out there who are going through the same thing.



9 days until my mastectomy ...

"Hope" is the thing with feathers—
That perches in the soul—
And sings the tune without the words—
And never stops — at all...
~Emily Dickinson (1861)

Even before my diagnosis, I found comfort and strength in Eleanor Roosevelt. For me, she is a pillar of strength!

"You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You must do the thing which you think you cannot do." - Eleanor Roosevelt

To all of the women who are battling breast cancer ... live to win! You are NOT alone.

Keep hope where it is easily accessible for those moments that are too much to bear.

And remember you are not alone.

Hope!

Max Schumacher

Oh how I can relate to the character Max Schumacher in Network!

I'm scared shitless ... death is suddenly a perceptible thing to me ...

Max Schumacher:

" ... After living with you for six months, I'm turning into one of your scripts. Well, this is not a script, Diana. There's some real actual life going on here. I went to visit my wife today because she's in a state of depression, so depressed that my daughter flew all the way from Seattle to be with her. And I feel lousy about that. I feel lousy about the pain that I've caused my wife and my kids. I feel guilty and conscience-stricken and all of those things that you think sentimental, but which my generation called simple human decency. And I miss my home because I'm beginning to get scared shitless. Because all of a sudden, it's closer to the end than it is to the beginning, and death is suddenly a perceptible thing to me - with definable features ..."

Howard Beale

I'm watching Network on the Sundance Film Channel. What a gem!

I've seen this movie many times and I think we can all relate to Howard Beale.

Howard Beale:

"I want you to get up right now. Sit up. Go to your windows. Open them and stick your head out and yell - 'I'm as mad as hell and I'm not gonna take this anymore!' Things have got to change. But first, you've gotta get mad!...You've got to say, I'M AS MAD AS HELL, AND I'M NOT GOING TO TAKE THIS ANYMORE!Then we'll figure out what to do about the depression and the inflation and the oil crisis. But first, get up out of your chairs, open the window, stick your head out, and yell, and say it: I'M AS MAD AS HELL, AND I'M NOT GOING TO TAKE THIS ANYMORE!"

I don't watch too much television but when I do I watch old movies.

Cats

Cats ...



Denise ... Buddy misses you big time!



Felix is ... well ... Felix!



Oscar ... I think I'm doing better than he is - he just had one of his asthma attacks.

I'm taking good care of them, and they are taking care of me. Every other night I sleep on your sofa. On the other days, I sleep in my bed with Gypsy. You know how she gets separation anxiety. Busting a gut!

I had dinner with giagia and papou (fish & horta). Giagia gave Gypsy some fish - you know she didn't leave a trace in her bowl.