It, That, There

I received a text message yesterday from Julia: “Just got letter from Nick’s atty, he signed affidavit for divorce, all I have to do is sign and I’m FREE, HAPPY, HAPPY. Today is AWESOME!!!!!!” We were extremely busy at work and I didn’t get a chance to read or respond to her message until late last night, “Congrats!!! How does it feel?” … Then I sent her an old picture of Loser Boy (in church) with the caption “Free from this!!!” (dear readers, note the picture of Nick).

Some people go to church to pray; others, to see and be seen; and, Nick, to sleep … If you spend your nights joy-riding, you have to catch cat-naps wherever you can. This photo was taken after little George’s christening. Denise and Manny are George’s godparents. In our culture, after babies are christened, they are taken to church for their first communion. The christening was full of tension. It wasn’t until a year later (when Julia described the horror of her marriage during my visit in Somers Point), that my vague notions that all was not well were confirmed ... On the day of little George’s christening, Loser Boy spent the morning insulting Julia (she found the courage to tell him that unless things changed, she would leave). On the day of his son’s first communion, he spent the morning ripping her into an asshole. Without getting into many upsetting details, when Julia opened up to me, one of the first things she told me was “your cousin punched me in the stomach while I was pregnant.”

“So I married the S.O.B. … it, that, there …”

On Fridays, Patricia (babysitter) – a wonderful person from Chile – drops George off at my sister’s house. On Saturdays, I babysit George at Julia’s apartment. He didn’t pick up his son this week (and will not be picking him up for the next four weeks) because his “schedule” has changed. What schedule? As far as I know, he is not working … If he is not able to spend time with his son, who is taking care of his daughter? Melina, someday when you grow up and are able to make your own decisions, we may cross paths. Mommy (Julia, your stepmother) misses you very much. I know you miss her, but you are not allowed to have a relationship with her because your father is too full of hate … Nobody becomes extremely wicked suddenly - it takes years of bad parenting to create monsters. Bad parents knock their kids across rooms, beat them with belts and cords, and slap them. Good parents resist the urge to knock their child across a room by walking into another room and taking really deep breaths for a minute.

I actually feel sorry for Nick (despite his misdirected animosity toward my family for “helping” Julia). I really do. He is a lonely and bitter old man ...

I have a photographic memory - (Joanne, do you remember asking me "how did you remember her name, Sylvia Seegrist?" one day while we were on our way to work.) We were discussing something in the news - someone went postal. I mentioned the shooting at the Springfield Mall and how ever since then, everytime I go shopping, I get a little anxious. Maria (my boss at work) is always telling me "eheis kalo thimitiko" ... I remembered her name, and you mentioned that Alex had actually worked with this sick woman. I remember the shooting took place on mischief night. {This woman opened fire at the mall, killing three people and wounding seven others before some guy - a shopper - ran up and disarmed her. She was diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia and had been discharged several times. In my opinion, she should have never have been released. This shooting resulted in discussions about a state's right to commit dangerous people vs individual rights.}

One of my childhood memories that left an impression on me, and one that caused my poor cousin Tommy to wet his pants, concerns a disturbing incident that occurred when I was eleven. At the time, my parents had gone to Acapulco and my sister was staying at my Aunt Sophia’s house. I stayed at my Aunt Helen’s house. Nick got into trouble at school. His mother told my uncle. I remember “the way” she told him what Nick did. Instead of down-playing the incident (what any normal, loving mother would do), she kept at it … She kept needling my uncle “well, aren’t you going to do something about it!” (Dear readers, my uncle had just walked in the door after a long day at work. He didn’t even have a chance to take off his shoes, to relax, when she honed in on him. Let the man walk in, ask him “how was your day” and then gently, gently – tell him what happened.) What happened that night has been permanently embedded in my brain. Some kids get into trouble. How parents react to same, is very important in a child’s growth and development.

Tommy and I were told to go upstairs. While we were upstairs, Tommy kept crying and telling me that Nick was going to “get it” … I was eleven (Tommy was a few years younger). What I heard next was something out of a Stephen King horror story. I heard Nick crying and yelling “No dad – please dad – no!” My uncle had taken Nick down to the basement and tied him to a pipe. He proceeded to beat Nick with his belt … I, of course, was scared from hearing Nick screaming, and from Tommy’s cries, “Irene, will I get beat up because of what Nick did!!!” I remember Tommy holding my hand very tightly. I told him to follow me. I led Tommy down the stairs (both of us in pajamas) and walked out of that hellhole. To this day, I remember my pajamas - they were light blue with daisies on them. My parents’ house was across the street. I ran with Tommy around the back (the alley), walked to the back of my house and hid myself and Tommy under the back steps. While Tommy kept crying and clutching my hand tightly, I kept telling him “be quiet or they will hear us, they will find us …”

After some time, Ellie (a friend of my mom’s) who lived two doors down from us, found us. She had the fortitude to figure out where would any child go if they were afraid … back home. While my Aunt Helen was walking up and down the street yelling “Irene, Tommy where are you!” – Ellie was walking in the back alley looking for us. At this point, because of all of the commotion, my Aunt Sophia came out and started looking for us as well. (We all lived on the same block back then.) Ellie found us, “Irene, what happened?” (I always respected Ellie, and still do to this day.) At the time, she worked at Fitzgerald Mercy Hospital as a nurse – I believe she ended her career at Delaware County Hospital. She took us both back to her house through her back door. She wanted to find out 'why' Helen was walking up and down the street looking for us. I described Nick being beaten into a pulp, his screams, etc. I remember - how can I forget - telling her “Thia Ellie, do I have to go back to Aunt Helen’s house? Do I have to? I don’t want to go back to her house!” There were a lot of Greeks living on that block (N Keystone). She knew my Aunt Helen well and her mouth … She went outside and motioned my Aunt Sophia to come into her house (she did not go to my Aunt Helen to tell her “I found Tommy and Irene”). I will never forget Ellie – a compassionate person, a loving mother, and smart enough to know that if I were to go back to my Aunt Helen’s house, I would 'run away' again. My parents were due back from their vacation the following day. Fortunately, I did not sleep at my Aunt Helen’s house that night. I remember my Aunt Sophia telling me “come on, you can stay at my house with your sister, come on Irene - don’t be afraid ...” (My Aunt Sophia almost got divorced because of my Aunt Helen and Uncle George. They told her that her husband was cheating on her - can you imagine making up lies about your own brother?) The opposite was true - my Uncle George cheated on my Aunt Helen when she was in Canada. He hooked up with some bimbo in New York. Another narcissist projecting his sins onto others ...

“Hate leaves ugly scars, love leaves beautiful ones – Mignon McLaughlin”

Evil runs in Nick's family. Evil people deny their sins, inadequacies and imperfections by casting their pain onto others through projection. They cause suffering and create a miniature sick society. The children of evil parents enter adulthood with significant psychiatric disturbances … It is doubtful that some can be wholly healed.

Good parents do everything they can to take time with their children, teach their children and be responsible for them so they can be successful in society.

I feel sorry for Nick and Tommy because they have failed miserably in their lives. Are their parents responsible for their failures? In my opinion, they are responsible in some ways. I have to mention, that as far as my relationship with my cousins is concerned - I no longer speak to Nick. I have seen Tommy once since his divorce and I asked him how he was doing, told him to hang in there, etc. The last time Nick tried to communicate with me, he sent me an invite through LinkedIn (a site used by professionals for networking). He listed his job title as 'Independent Sports Professional' (I am not making this up - he really did). I had to accept his invitation (just to be a smack) so I quickly changed my profile to - Industry: Plastics, Job Title: Bottle Topper.