Martha & George

Whose Afraid of Virginia Woolf is on TCM. I wish it were Oscar time all year long. They
play the best movies this time of year.

Martha: Fix me a drink.
George: Haven't you had enough?
Martha: I said fix me a drink!
George: Well, I don't suppose a nightcap would kill either of us.
Martha: A nightcap? Are you kidding? We've got guests.
George: Got what?
Martha: Guests. Guests! Yeah, guests. People. We've got guests coming over.
George: When?
Martha: Now.

George: Good Lord, Martha, do you know what time it is? Who's coming over?
Martha: What's-their-name.
George: Who? Who's what's-their-name?
Martha: I don't know their name, George. We met tonight. They're new. He's
in the math department or something.
George: I don't remember meeting anybody tonight.
Martha: Well, you did.
George: Of all the asinine ... Who are these people?
Martha: He's in the Math Department.
George: Who?
Martha: He's in the Math Department. He's young and he's blond ...
George: He's good-looking, well-built?
Martha: Yes, good-looking, well-built.
George: It figures.
Martha: What?
George: Nothing.
Martha: His wife's a mousy little type without any hips or anything. Remember them now?

͠͠͠ ͠ ͠ ͠ ͠͠͠͠ ͠ ͠ ͠ ͠
Martha: Stop the car, we're going dancing.
George: Martha ...
Martha: I said stop the car, we're going dancing!
George: Alright Martha, whatever love wants ...

͠͠͠ ͠ ͠ ͠ ͠͠͠͠ ͠ ͠ ͠ ͠
George: "Now that we're done playing humiliate the host and we're not quite ready for hump the hostess, how about a little game of get the guests ..."

I can actually recite this entire play by heart. Edward Albee and Tennessee Williams are my favorite American playwrights.

Parking Lot War

I'm watching The Graduate on TCM (can't sleep) ...

"Ben, I just want to say one word to you, just one word ... plastics, there is a great future in plastics. Will you think about it?"

"Yes sir, I will ..."

Below are seven people who turn every parking lot into a war zone:

Everybody has their own opinion on shopping. Some love it, some hate it, some prefer to forego the entire process in favor of shoplifting. But no matter what your individual opinion on shopping may be, there's one thing we can surely all agree on ... the parking lot is the worst place on earth.
It shouldn't be that way. A parking lot is just a place to leave your vehicle. Without it, we'd be whipping our SUVs and smart cars around the aisles of Walmart like a bunch of bargain hunting Mad Max extras. It should be so simple. Just park your shit, get out and go about your business. But nothing is ever that easy. There are always those bad apples who mess things up for the rest of us, and that's especially true in the parking lot.

# 7 - The Driving Lane Anarchist

The Driving Lane Anarchist is that person who ignores any yellow lines or arrows painted on the ground in favor of just flying around the parking lot as if rules of the road no longer exist when a trip to Target is involved.

Why They Must Be Stopped:
How many times have you been driving through a parking lot in strict accordance with all of those yellow lines and arrows and signs when, out of nowhere, some maniac comes flying at you from a northeasterly direction and nearly rams you into the shopping cart holding pen or whatever that contraption is called? It's a situation that's equal parts infuriating and terrifying. The worst part, if you somehow impede this lunatic's progress or force them to slow down a bit, is that they mean-mug you as if you just cut them off from making their exit on a busy freeway. And if they aren't flying in from the periphery, they're driving the wrong way down a lane that's clearly marked with an arrow pointing in the other direction. This is how drunk drivers kill children on the interstate, but for some reason nobody has any second thoughts about driving the wrong way in a parking lot. Like I said, total anarchy.
What You Should Do About It:
This is a tough one, because honestly, what can you do about it? The answer to that question hinges on how confident you are in your auto insurance and how far you're willing to go to prove a point. Because there's not a competent driver among us who wouldn't like to intentionally get into an accident with this person, if for no other reason than to sue them to the point that no insurance company would clear them to drive ever again. But how much of a hassle would that be? So instead, we just let that shit happen and scream profanities that nobody can hear. It's the very definition of injustice.

# 6 - The Diagonal Walker

Even if you didn't previously realize you hate these people, I trust that you do now.

Why They Must Be Stopped:
Listen, assholes, the quickest route from Point A to Point B is a straight line. By laughing in the face of this universally accepted fact, you're ensuring that the person waiting for you to cross spends an extra 30 seconds or so screaming at you from behind the wheel of a ton of metal that could kill you with nothing more than a quick push on the gas pedal. And that's exactly what that driver is thinking of doing when you waddle your cart full of Cheetos and pot pies in front of them. By moving diagonally, you are literally standing in the way of other people's progress for the entirety of your journey. That's some bullshit.
What You Should Do About It:
The solution here is pretty simple. Just inch your vehicle forward in direct proportion to the Diagonal Walker's movements. For every second they spend taking a nonsensical route to their vehicle, you spend that same second moving ever closer to, at the very least, ramming them in the back of the knee with your bumper. The threat of being mowed down by a vehicle that they have no reason to be standing in front of is usually enough provocation to get them to get lateral like the Lord intended people in parking lots to do.

# 5 - The Family Band

The Family Band is a family of four or more who, instead of walking in a single-file line down the parking lot lane you're trying to navigate, choose to walk side by side like the Partridge Family on their way to a show at SeaWorld, thereby preventing any cars from passing them.

Why They Must Be Stopped:
Hey, parents of the world, tell me something I've been dying to know for quite a while now: When it comes time to go grocery shopping, what is the harm in just one parent going to the store and the other staying home with your misbehaved clan of hellions? Is it really necessary to haul all six of your mistakes along with you?
It is, you say? Well, I don't believe you. But whatever, let me ask you another question: If you must haul the kids along, please, by all means, tell me how having your 3-year-old lined up on the outside like an NFL receiver in the spread formation in the middle of a busy parking lot amounts to anything resembling good parenting?
Are you trying to get your child killed? Because I'm not going to do it, and nobody else will either, hopefully. But we will follow along slowly in our car silently wishing you were all dead and therefore not in a position to turn what should have been a quick jaunt to the supermarket into an exercise in anger management.
What You Should Do About It:
Honk. That's it. Just honk. Why? Because it will scare the ever-loving shit out of the Family Band's children, and scaring people is funny. And funny, in turn, is good for the soul. Turn that aggravation into a lighthearted situation that adds a few years to your life through the magic of therapeutic laughter.
And before you go feeling bad about terrifying children, understand this ... if they didn't have such shitty parents, they wouldn't be in a position that allows you to scare them so easily in the first place. So you get some much needed laughter, and the parents get a lesson in good child rearing. Everybody wins.

# 4 - The Paranoid

There are probably several names for it, but in this case the Paranoid is that asshole or assholette who parks their Camaro or whatever other obnoxious vehicle of their choosing at an angle that ensures nobody else can park in any space near them. This usually happens because they're so proud of the pristine condition of their car that they can't stomach the thought of the unwashed masses coming near it.

Why They Must Be Stopped:
If you need me to tell you why this needs to be stopped, then clearly you are one of these people.
What You Should Do About It:
There's only one thing to do when faced with a Parking Lot Paranoid ... key the shit out of their car. It will make you feel better and will teach the offender a valuable lesson. That lesson being, of course, that parking like a dipshit will result in someone keying the shit out of your car.

# 3 - The Cart Bearer
This is the person who returns to their vehicle with a cart full of purchases, loads those purchases into their car and then leaves the cart sitting right in the middle of a perfectly good parking space.

Why They Must Be Stopped:
You probably think I'm going to say this needs to be stopped because they're robbing hardworking men and women of valuable hassle-free parking spaces. And you're right, I'm totally saying that.
But there's something else. Have you ever stopped to take a look at the person who gets tasked with rounding up stray carts in the parking lot? Even more importantly, have you ever talked to them? If you had, you would know that, nine out of 10 times, it's the "developmentally challenged" person who gets tasked with that horseshit job. And don't howl, you know every grocery or department store employs at least one. It's the law, probably.
So leaving your cart in a parking spot instead of moving it to the cart corral (maybe that's what it's called) amounts to abuse of the handicapped. Why would you do that, you monster?
Also, move your shit so the rest of us can park.
What You Should Do About It:
Usually, by the time you realize that this particular transgression has occurred, there isn't much at all you can do other than move the cart and take your parking spot. That's what makes their crime so heinous. They vanish into the night before anyone has a chance to hand them the swift justice they deserve. Even if you do see it happening, the hooligan will already be in their car and backing out of the parking space by the time you can act. And understand, if they're already exhibiting the kind of blatant disregard for their fellow man that this display of parking requires, they will have no qualms about just backing over you if you decide to play the hero and jump behind their car in an attempt to block them in and lecture them on their bullshit.
Unless you can somehow fit that cart into your trunk fast enough to follow that person home, at which point you chuck said cart through their living room window, it's best to just take the loss here.

# 2 - The Parking Spot Stalker

The Parking Spot Stalker is a driver who, upon seeing you walking toward your car in a crowded parking lot, follows behind you at a super-creepy speed of about 1.4 mph in an effort to get your soon-to-be-vacant parking spot before anyone else.

Why They Must Be Stopped:
While I understand the logic employed by the Parking Spot Stalker, there is an unsettling gray area when it comes to their actions. If you're a woman being followed by a slow-moving vehicle, it usually means you're about to bolster your city's sexual assault statistics. If you're a dude, you're probably just more concerned about garden variety armed robbery. Either way, there are really no good options there. So, to the Parking Spot Stalker's credit, at least they're not out raping and robbing innocent shoppers.
What You Should Do About It:
The key to thwarting a parking lot stalker is misdirection. Instead of getting angry, have some fun with the situation and see how long you can get them to follow you. When you reach your car, just keep on walking. Maybe go to the end of one lane, cross over into another and start walking in the opposite direction. See how many laps you can take with them hot on your heels.
If you hear them start to accelerate like they're giving up, immediately head for the driver's side door of the nearest vehicle. When they slam on their brakes, start walking again.
Repeat this process until they finally drive away in frustration or settle for a lesser parking spot. If you're in especially good shape, maybe consider chasing them for good measure when they finally pull off. What could it hurt?

# 1 - The Parking Spot Rusher

A close relative of the Parking Spot Stalker, the Parking Spot Rusher will creep their way around a jam-packed parking lot looking for people who appear to be getting into or have just gotten into their vehicle. When they find one, they wait for that person to start their car and pull out so they can overtake the newly vacant parking spot.

Why They Must Be Stopped:
Listen, nobody cares about your need to find a suitable parking spot when they're trying to strap an unruly kid in and load two weeks' worth of groceries into the trunk of a car. That entire process is stressful enough without you lurking in the background like Ted Bundy staking out a sorority house.

What You Should Do About It:
If someone is sitting in their running vehicle impatiently waiting for you to leave, by no means should you make it a stress-free wait for them. In fact, go out of your way to make it appear as if there is no good reason for you to still be in that parking spot. Don't adjust your mirrors, don't fish around on the floor for that Spin Doctors CD you should be ashamed to own but aren't ... basically, don't do anything. Just sit there like an asshole, just like the person hoping to get your parking spot is doing.
If for some reason your assailant is brave enough to walk up to your car and ask if you're leaving soon, tell them you're waiting on someone. When they walk back to their car to leave, wait until they get just far enough to not be blocking you in and then back out of the parking spot. They'll see you in the rearview mirror and want to kill you, of course, but they'll be far too focused on getting back to that parking spot before someone else can take it from them to actually act on that anger.
So then you wait, idling at such an angle so as to block anyone else from pulling in without some assistance from you. If another more reasonable driver shows up, yield the parking space to them. If the Parking Spot Rusher makes it back around, though, pull back in to that spot and take a nap if you have to. Whatever it takes, don't give this person your parking spot.

Is it an even more petty response to an already petty situation? Yes, it is. Everything I've proposed in this column is petty. But admit it, after reading this, you won't be able to live with yourself if you don't at least try some of this stuff out the next time you're assaulted with douchebaggery in a parking lot.

The Artist

I'm looking forward to the Academy Awards tonight. I hope Jean Dujardin wins for Best Actor. The Artist is a silent movie, screened in black and white and projected in the old-fashioned boxy Academy ratio, with occasional lines of dialogue printed on cards.

It falls into the long tradition of movies about the movies, and centers on an established film star and a beguiling young actress in late Twenties and early Thirties Hollywood, during the rise of the talkies. It’s a eulogy for monochrome and silence; less a showcase of what film can do than a reminder of what it can be.

The Artist begins with a premiere. We’re in a sumptuous Twenties picture palace where movie star George Valentin (Jean Dujardin) is screening his latest film, a Douglas Fairbanks-style swashbuckler, to a rapturous reception. Dujardin is every inch the silent-movie icon: his hair is slick, his eyebrows meticulous, his moustache a horizontal curly bracket, his jawline a perfect trapezium.

Following the premiere, George is pictured with Peppy Miller (Bérénice Bejo), who wins a small role in his next film, despite irking the cigar-chomping studio boss Al Zimmer (John Goodman). Like their historical half-namesakes, Rudolph Valentino and Bebe Daniels, Valentin and Peppy’s overpowering charm is amplified by the silence: it’s a pleasure just looking at them.

Then the talkies arrive: an innovation that proves to be the making of Peppy but George’s undoing. Audiences can’t get enough of Peppy’s voice (although we don’t find out why, because we never hear it) and her star soars. Meanwhile, George remains silent, and he falls from favor. “If that’s the future, you can have it,” he sneers at producers after watching and listening to some test footage — and of course it is, and they do.

A scene in which George sits down to eat with his faithful Jack Russell terrier (played by Uggie, a dog whose IQ seems to be higher than that of most actors of any species) is a sparkling comic routine that wouldn’t be out of place in a Chaplin film — but it entertains because of its wit and timing, not its period accuracy.

That said, The Artist is drunk on the history of cinema and art, and culture buffs will get giddy on it. An early skit in which George watches Peppy’s legs dancing behind a partially-raised studio backdrop playfully harks back to the work of Rodin and Magritte. A later moment in which George confronts his shadow riffs on Jung. A passing-of-time montage is lifted wholesale from Citizen Kane. A late scene in which George gazes at his reflection in a tailor’s window, his own face hovering over a tuxedo-clad dummy, is pointedly backed by Bernard Herrmann’s Vertigo score. Even the film’s best moment – a piece of business with a glass and a dressing room table – is indebted to David Lynch’s Mulholland Drive, that other great French-produced fable about Hollywood, the town where dreams can come true. The film’s final sequence, which legitimately resolves all of the foregoing drama with a dance number, sums up in three minutes everything that cinema is capable of that no other art form can touch.

Inca Roads

BrainDumps, I read your comments and agree we should always think positively. It's a little difficult sometimes.

I hope enough of us choose to be the change we hope to see in this world. I believe that our present day 'road less traveled' actually represents an evolutionary cul-de-sac abutting a bottomless abyss. If we are indeed too stupid a species to survive our own hubris, I certainly hope we haven’t inflicted any lasting damage on our amazing planet.

Speaking of our planet - December 21, 2012, will mark the end of b'ak'tun 13 according to the Mayan calendar and the world will end ... There is a lot to be said for people who believe in this apocalyptic, doomsday mumbo-jumbo from a civilization that got wiped out after a 650-year existence. Maya priests are burning incense and praying in the town of Tapachula in Chiapas as the days count down.

I am reminded of Frank Zappa & the Mothers of Invention. I still have a couple of his albums. Zappa wrote a very weird tune called Inca Roads. He and his wife Gail had four children: 2 sons (Dweezil and Ahmet) and 2 daughters (Moon and Diva). The hospital where Dweezil was born refused to register the baby boy under the name 'Dweezil' (a nickname coined by Frank for an oddly-curled pinky-toe of Gail's). Dweezil's registered birth name was Ian Donald Calvin Euclid Zappa (the names of several musician friends of Frank Zappa's). At five years old, Dweezil learned that his legal name was different, and he insisted on having his nickname (Dweezil) become his legal name. Gail and Frank hired an attorney and soon the name Dweezil was official. Below are the lyrics to Inca Roads:

Did a vehicle come from somewhere out there, just to land in the Andes?
Was it round and did it have a motor, or was it something different
Did a vehicle, did a vehicle, did a vehicle
Fly along the mountains and find a place to park itself
Or did someone build a place, to leave a space, for such a vehicle to land?
Did a vehicle come from somewhere out there, did a vehicle come from somewhere out there
Did the indians, first on the bill, carve up the hill
Did a booger-bear come from somewhere out there, just to land in the Andes?
Was she round and did she have a motor, or was she something different
Guacamole queen, guacamole queen, guacamole queen, guacamole queen
At the armadillo in Austin texas, her aura, or did someone build a place
Or leave a space for chester’s thing to land (chester’s thing... on Ruth)
Did a booger-bear come from somewhere out there
Did a booger-bear come from somewhere out there
Did the indians, first on the bill, carve up her hill ... On Ruth, on Ruth, that’s Ruth

You can tell a lot about a person by the books they read, the music they listen to, and last (but not least) how they react in a car shop when given an estimate. Do you agree?

Speaking of books - finished reading some poems by Kay Ryan (her poems are the opposite of the confessional, default mode of most contemporary American verse). She keeps her words squarely in front of the reader ...

"Things Shouldn't Be So Hard" (2006)

A life should leave deep tracks; Ruts where she went out and back
To get the mail or move the hose, Around the yard;
Where she used to stand before the sink, A worn-out place;
Beneath her hand the china knobs, rubbed down to white pastilles;
The switch she used to feel for in the dark, almost erased.
Her things should keep her marks.
The passage of a life should show; It should be abrade.
And when life stops, A certain space - however small -
Should be left scarred, By the grand and damaging parade
Things shouldn't be so hard ...

We want the world to commemorate the lives of those we love who are now dead. We don't want their passage (or ours) through life erased.

Kyrie eleison; Christe eleison; Kyrie eleison ...

There's no sense - in past tense ...

R.I.P. Hitch

I was saddened when Christopher Hitchens passed away after a long battle with esophageal cancer. He took pains to emphasize that he had not revised his position on atheism.

His work took him to Greece, Northern Ireland, Cyprus, Portugal, Spain and Argentina in the 1970s, to shine a light on the evil practices of entrenched dictators and the meddling of the superpowers in these poor countries.

There is one quote, for me, that stands out among many of his quotes:

“Nothing optional - from homosexuality to adultery - is ever made punishable unless those who do the prohibiting (and exact the fierce punishments) have a repressed desire to participate. As Shakespeare put it in King Lear, the policeman who lashes the whore has a hot need to use her for the very offense for which he plies the lash.”
- Christopher Hitchens, God is Not Great: How Religion Poisons Everything

This post shares some common themes with my prior post (see Sphincter, Game-Show Host, Faux Moralist). It is true that those most opposed to gay rights, are those with repressed homosexual urges. There is scientific proof - an article in Scientific American shows that of two groups of self-reported heterosexual males (one being homophobic and one non-homophobic), the homophobic group showed a good deal of sexual reponse. The same holds true to those who hate prostitutes - deep down inside those individuals have a desire to have sex with a prostitute. They refer to them as 'whores' and knock them down outwardly, but behind closed doors they fantasize about acting out their hidden desires.

Hitchens published his first book, "Cyprus," in 1984 to commemorate Turkey’s invasion of Cyprus a decade earlier. A longer version was published in 1989 as "Hostage to History: Cyprus From the Ottomans to Kissinger." His interest in the region led to another book, "Imperial Spoils: The Curious Case of the Elgin Marbles" (1987), in which he argued that Britain should return the Elgin marbles to Greece. In 1981 he married a Greek Cypriot, Eleni Meleagrou. The marriage ended in divorce. He is survived by their two children, Alexander and Sophia; his wife, Carol Blue, and their daughter, Antonia; and his brother, Peter.

After moving to the United States, where he eventually became a citizen, Hitchens became a fixture on television and in print. He threw himself into the defense of his friend Salman Rushdie when the Ayatollah Khomeini issued a 'fatwa' calling for Rushdie's death in 1988 after the publication of The Satanic Verses. The book uses magical realism, and the title refers to 'satanic verses' which is a group of alleged Quranic verses allowing intercessory prayers to be made to three Pagan Meccan goddesses: Allāt, Uzza, and Manāt. That part of the story was based on accounts from the 1st millennium (AD or AH) historians al-Waqidi and al-Tabari. It's an incredible book inspired by the life of Mohammad. Conservative Muslims accused Rushdie of blasphemy and mocking their faith. Hitchens received death threats because he defended Rushdie and he allowed Rushdie to stay at his house whenever he visited from London. Hitchens believed in freedom of speech - his life's work is a testament to same.

In his last book "Hitch-22" he talked at length about his feelings about the end. “I personally want to 'do' death in the active and not the passive,” he wrote, “and to be there to look it in the eye and be doing something when it comes for me.”

"People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid." - Soren A. Kierkegaard

The last time I saw Hitchens on tv was when he was being interviewed by Charlie Rose shortly before his death. He was very sick - he had lost all his hair, had lost a lot of weight, looked very weak, etc., but it was a wonderful interview. While I am not an atheist (I believe in a universal God - a higher power), I find myself agreeing with Hitchens more often than not. He was right when he said 'more people have died in the name of religion than from any other cause ...'

Below are some more favorites:

"That which can be asserted without evidence, can be dismissed without evidence."

"Take the risk of thinking for yourself, much more happiness, truth, beauty, and wisdom will come to you that way."

"Indeed, it's futile to try and use Holy Scripture to support any political position. I deeply distrust anyone who does. Just look at what an Islamic Republic is like."

R.I.P Hitch ... I will miss your essays in Vanity Fair.

Sphincter, Game-Show Host & Faux Moralist

Rick Santorum (sphincter), Mitt Romney (game-show host), Newt Gingrich (faux moralist) … Did anyone watch the last debate? Santorum was asked a question with regard to evolution vs creationism:

Question: "If the Republicans aren't anti-science could you explain your views regarding evolution vs creationism?"
Santorum: "Because unlike the Earth, we're intelligent and we can actually manage things."

Oh boy ... How have we gotten to the point where such idiocy, inaccuracy, and utterly incorrect information is presented and championed as the campaign platform of a major presidential candidate? How have these people become this ignorant? I'm not just asking this rhetorically. I really want to know. After all the scientific advancements and discoveries of the 20th century, how is it possible that we have people questioning and distorting proven scientific facts in such unbelievable ways? How has our educational system produced these people?

I cry because I fear for the world our children will inherit if these imbeciles achieve the political power they desire. I cry because it makes my brain hurt trying to figure out how this has happened. I cry because I don't think this is all just political maneuvering to get votes. I believe that these people really believe the ridiculous things they say. Everyday Santorum comes out with some different evidence of his insanity and the emotional side of my brain wants to scream out, "Please, for the love of your God, STFU!!" But, then the rational side of my brain says, "Keep talking Ricky. You're driving the republicans straight off the cliff." The more he talks, the better it is for the Democrats, from the President all the way down to the township races. He keeps twisting himself in every direction to try to escape what he said each day before. He has no true idea what science really is and that's very obvious. If he even for a second thinks that intelligent design and creationism have anything to do with actual science, he is pitifully ignorant.

It's sad to hear religious people regurgitate antiquated ideas because they have wrapped themselves too tightly in ridiculous dogma. I've seen better men bend their knee to its bondage. Santorum, being a politician and as such a caricature of the republican base, takes it to a whole new level - he is a superstar for the "head in the sand" troglodytes that are feeling fear and are threatened by life. This idiot has given the writers from SNL, South Park, Colbert and The Daily Show an entire season of shit. Not exploiting those areas of science, huh, Rick? Republicans behind the scenes are going crazy. If Romney loses Michigan (Santorum is falling with his latest rants - theology, Hitler, birth control, etc) and falters on Super Tuesday, it is going to get really, really, interesting. They know Santorum would probably lose the general election by high double-digits. Only the far right is in to his Bible rhetoric. But I'm with Lawrence O'Donnell on this one - it would be great to see Santorum and Obama debate …

Never trust anyone who insists that patriotism requires you to blindfold yourself with the flag.

No, Rick. You were not criticized for attacking Obama's "Ideology." You didn't use that word. You were criticized for attacking his "theology." You referred to a "phony theology;" those were your exact words. You presumed to know the only truth about the nature of your imaginary friend up there. When people claim a pipeline to that particular truth, we get Crusades, pogroms, Hundred Years War, unimaginable bloodletting between Shia and Sunni, Hindu and Moslem, etc. What you said was utterly appalling … theology, toxology, trilogy, it doesn't matter. All you have to say to a wing-nut is something ending with ology or ism, and their eyes glaze over while their sphincters snap shut from fear. Then you wave the flag and yell USA, USA, and you've won another GOP voter.

The more diverse experiences one has in one's childhood, and life, the less ignorant that person will be as an adult. The more narrow the experiences are in childhood, the more likely you will get a Santorum, a Palin, an Idiot. It's easier and less frightening to remain ignorant. If they really looked at how messed up the world has become, then they would have to acknowledge that their God let it happen. Can't have that ... When Ricky says, "Freedom isn't to do whatever you want to do, it's to do what you ought to do," he reveals his true nature. His perfect world would be a theocratic totalitarian state where compliance is mandatory. Just the opposite of the American model I would think. If this fool somehow wins the nomination, he will get a chance to see a massacre of biblical proportions!

So we're supposed to take the word of this dimwit about climate change over organizations like NASA? Are we also supposed to believe his claims that being gay is a choice and that "reparative therapy" for gays works and ignore what the American Psychological Association says about this? Are we supposed to believe in Adam and Eve and reject the existence of dinosaur bones and pretend dinosaurs never roamed the earth? This idiot thinks he has what it takes to run the country? If it wasn't so serious, it would be laughable. Evolving for 400 million years ... You keep believing, I'll keep evolving ....

And on the eighth day, God created stupid people and called them republicans; for they would succumb to the whims and lies of their oppressors, and fight to the death for the malevolence those same oppressors exacted upon them. But then God became ashamed and embarrassed at what he had done on the eighth day, and removed it from the record. Unfortunately, some of the republicans escaped before God could round them all up, and they became fruit-full and multiplied, calling themselves his "chosen People," - and God wept ... Ricky (and Mitt and Newt) need to keep talking so they can join Sara, Michelle and Herman, etc. on the bench watching Obama's inaugural parade in 2013.

Wrong is Right, War is Peace, Slavery is Freedom, Religion is Intelligence, Hate is Love ... (from 1984 by George Orwell)

And what's with all those sweater-vests that Santorum wears? They used to be sleeves but his arms couldn't take his shit anymore ... Enough already.

Band-Aid Dilemma

I do not get insulted with comments such as ‘the olive countries (Spain, Portugal & Greece)’ ... As far as Greece is concerned, you can add ‘feta and yogurt country’ as well (I have a sense of humor). We are bombarded with visual and auditory stimuli from the time we wake up until we pass out each night from sheer exhaustion. Our global economy now exemplifies the worst of human traits - we are at an evolutionary crossroad.

Yes, the elites of Greece enjoyed substantial benefits during the boom borrowing times. The elitist European countries (Germany, in particular) loaned money to Greece knowing full well they would not be able to pay it back. It reminds me of Bank of America and their loans to unqualified home buyers in the U.S. …

Germans want to have their cake (easy credit throughout Europe to support their export economy) and eat it too (want all those borrowers to repay all the loans handed out to them). You can’t have it both ways. Bleeding the patient is what has been implemented by the European economic doctors. Sort of like sucking the air out of a dying man’s lungs to help him breath. The basic equation of all economic theory is "supply = demand" ... Does anyone believe that austerity-driven job destruction will lead to economic growth?

European leaders are bound together to the economic doctrine responsible for this disaster. The tide is starting to turn. The people of Greece, Spain, Portugal and Ireland (and to a lesser degree Italy) are becoming slaves to the rich and powerful Euro Bankers. Sure, they were on a spending binge for a long time, and the time has come for them to ‘tighten their belts’ but there are two sides to every story.

What purpose is served by delaying the inevitable? After the recent bailout, Greece will have more debt on its shoulders than it had before. Can it get anymore convoluted than that? The difference is the Greek debt is not to the bondholders (which is negotiable) but to ‘governments’ and the IMF. Certain ‘governments’ and the IMF will control Greece – they will not be able to negotiate anything. Some Germans and Austrians have suggested that Greece sell some of its land and islands (even to Turkey) in an effort to reduce its debt. (Isn’t it amazing how history has a way of repeating itself?) Ask any trader in the world who has benefited the most from the Euro crisis and I guarantee the answer will be ‘Germany’ … What countries will be next?

It’s time to put delusional beliefs about the virtues of austerity in a depressed economy behind us. I would have rather had seen Greece default, go back to a severely devalued drachma and rebuild its economy for the next 10 years by offering really cheap tourism, olive oil, feta and yogurt. I’m serious! The bailout will help take Greece’s debt from 160% of GDP to around 120% by 2020. (If anyone thinks the bailout, spending cuts and tax increases is going to help – see the state of our economy here in the U.S.) You cannot cut spending and expect an economy to grow. For the next 10 years, Greeks will not have enough money to buy goods and services. I give it a year - two at the most - until we see widespread bloody riots in the streets. I will not be surprised if the civil unrest in Greece becomes a precursor for a coup. A dictator will take over the country (and we all know who will be pulling the strings in the background). Again, it’s amazing how history has a way of repeating itself.

As for our situation, here in the U.S., we print money like there is no tomorrow (the dollar being the reserve currency), and we have natural resources (something Greece does not have). This has helped the U.S. avoid a debt crisis or currency devaluation so far. We are 15 trillion in debt, growing at over one trillion a year, and unless we bring our deficit under control, it is only a matter of time before the U.S. dollar decreases in value significantly or long-term interest rates go up.

The vultures are having a field day – it remains very much in their interests to keep things as they are for as long as they can. A number of American PE firms are now in Europe cruising the Aegean air searching for carrion with their well-trained noses.

The great middle class is going to be less and less. There will be extreme wealth and extreme poverty. I hope I’m completely wrong. It will be hard on people who never experienced doing without, but it’s amazing what you can get along without. You don’t have it, so you begin to spend more time with your family.

I hope for nothing. I fear nothing. I am free. – Nikos Kazantzakis

It, That, There

I received a text message yesterday from Julia: “Just got letter from Nick’s atty, he signed affidavit for divorce, all I have to do is sign and I’m FREE, HAPPY, HAPPY. Today is AWESOME!!!!!!” We were extremely busy at work and I didn’t get a chance to read or respond to her message until late last night, “Congrats!!! How does it feel?” … Then I sent her an old picture of Loser Boy (in church) with the caption “Free from this!!!” (dear readers, note the picture of Nick).

Some people go to church to pray; others, to see and be seen; and, Nick, to sleep … If you spend your nights joy-riding, you have to catch cat-naps wherever you can. This photo was taken after little George’s christening. Denise and Manny are George’s godparents. In our culture, after babies are christened, they are taken to church for their first communion. The christening was full of tension. It wasn’t until a year later (when Julia described the horror of her marriage during my visit in Somers Point), that my vague notions that all was not well were confirmed ... On the day of little George’s christening, Loser Boy spent the morning insulting Julia (she found the courage to tell him that unless things changed, she would leave). On the day of his son’s first communion, he spent the morning ripping her into an asshole. Without getting into many upsetting details, when Julia opened up to me, one of the first things she told me was “your cousin punched me in the stomach while I was pregnant.”

“So I married the S.O.B. … it, that, there …”

On Fridays, Patricia (babysitter) – a wonderful person from Chile – drops George off at my sister’s house. On Saturdays, I babysit George at Julia’s apartment. He didn’t pick up his son this week (and will not be picking him up for the next four weeks) because his “schedule” has changed. What schedule? As far as I know, he is not working … If he is not able to spend time with his son, who is taking care of his daughter? Melina, someday when you grow up and are able to make your own decisions, we may cross paths. Mommy (Julia, your stepmother) misses you very much. I know you miss her, but you are not allowed to have a relationship with her because your father is too full of hate … Nobody becomes extremely wicked suddenly - it takes years of bad parenting to create monsters. Bad parents knock their kids across rooms, beat them with belts and cords, and slap them. Good parents resist the urge to knock their child across a room by walking into another room and taking really deep breaths for a minute.

I actually feel sorry for Nick (despite his misdirected animosity toward my family for “helping” Julia). I really do. He is a lonely and bitter old man ...

I have a photographic memory - (Joanne, do you remember asking me "how did you remember her name, Sylvia Seegrist?" one day while we were on our way to work.) We were discussing something in the news - someone went postal. I mentioned the shooting at the Springfield Mall and how ever since then, everytime I go shopping, I get a little anxious. Maria (my boss at work) is always telling me "eheis kalo thimitiko" ... I remembered her name, and you mentioned that Alex had actually worked with this sick woman. I remember the shooting took place on mischief night. {This woman opened fire at the mall, killing three people and wounding seven others before some guy - a shopper - ran up and disarmed her. She was diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia and had been discharged several times. In my opinion, she should have never have been released. This shooting resulted in discussions about a state's right to commit dangerous people vs individual rights.}

One of my childhood memories that left an impression on me, and one that caused my poor cousin Tommy to wet his pants, concerns a disturbing incident that occurred when I was eleven. At the time, my parents had gone to Acapulco and my sister was staying at my Aunt Sophia’s house. I stayed at my Aunt Helen’s house. Nick got into trouble at school. His mother told my uncle. I remember “the way” she told him what Nick did. Instead of down-playing the incident (what any normal, loving mother would do), she kept at it … She kept needling my uncle “well, aren’t you going to do something about it!” (Dear readers, my uncle had just walked in the door after a long day at work. He didn’t even have a chance to take off his shoes, to relax, when she honed in on him. Let the man walk in, ask him “how was your day” and then gently, gently – tell him what happened.) What happened that night has been permanently embedded in my brain. Some kids get into trouble. How parents react to same, is very important in a child’s growth and development.

Tommy and I were told to go upstairs. While we were upstairs, Tommy kept crying and telling me that Nick was going to “get it” … I was eleven (Tommy was a few years younger). What I heard next was something out of a Stephen King horror story. I heard Nick crying and yelling “No dad – please dad – no!” My uncle had taken Nick down to the basement and tied him to a pipe. He proceeded to beat Nick with his belt … I, of course, was scared from hearing Nick screaming, and from Tommy’s cries, “Irene, will I get beat up because of what Nick did!!!” I remember Tommy holding my hand very tightly. I told him to follow me. I led Tommy down the stairs (both of us in pajamas) and walked out of that hellhole. To this day, I remember my pajamas - they were light blue with daisies on them. My parents’ house was across the street. I ran with Tommy around the back (the alley), walked to the back of my house and hid myself and Tommy under the back steps. While Tommy kept crying and clutching my hand tightly, I kept telling him “be quiet or they will hear us, they will find us …”

After some time, Ellie (a friend of my mom’s) who lived two doors down from us, found us. She had the fortitude to figure out where would any child go if they were afraid … back home. While my Aunt Helen was walking up and down the street yelling “Irene, Tommy where are you!” – Ellie was walking in the back alley looking for us. At this point, because of all of the commotion, my Aunt Sophia came out and started looking for us as well. (We all lived on the same block back then.) Ellie found us, “Irene, what happened?” (I always respected Ellie, and still do to this day.) At the time, she worked at Fitzgerald Mercy Hospital as a nurse – I believe she ended her career at Delaware County Hospital. She took us both back to her house through her back door. She wanted to find out 'why' Helen was walking up and down the street looking for us. I described Nick being beaten into a pulp, his screams, etc. I remember - how can I forget - telling her “Thia Ellie, do I have to go back to Aunt Helen’s house? Do I have to? I don’t want to go back to her house!” There were a lot of Greeks living on that block (N Keystone). She knew my Aunt Helen well and her mouth … She went outside and motioned my Aunt Sophia to come into her house (she did not go to my Aunt Helen to tell her “I found Tommy and Irene”). I will never forget Ellie – a compassionate person, a loving mother, and smart enough to know that if I were to go back to my Aunt Helen’s house, I would 'run away' again. My parents were due back from their vacation the following day. Fortunately, I did not sleep at my Aunt Helen’s house that night. I remember my Aunt Sophia telling me “come on, you can stay at my house with your sister, come on Irene - don’t be afraid ...” (My Aunt Sophia almost got divorced because of my Aunt Helen and Uncle George. They told her that her husband was cheating on her - can you imagine making up lies about your own brother?) The opposite was true - my Uncle George cheated on my Aunt Helen when she was in Canada. He hooked up with some bimbo in New York. Another narcissist projecting his sins onto others ...

“Hate leaves ugly scars, love leaves beautiful ones – Mignon McLaughlin”

Evil runs in Nick's family. Evil people deny their sins, inadequacies and imperfections by casting their pain onto others through projection. They cause suffering and create a miniature sick society. The children of evil parents enter adulthood with significant psychiatric disturbances … It is doubtful that some can be wholly healed.

Good parents do everything they can to take time with their children, teach their children and be responsible for them so they can be successful in society.

I feel sorry for Nick and Tommy because they have failed miserably in their lives. Are their parents responsible for their failures? In my opinion, they are responsible in some ways. I have to mention, that as far as my relationship with my cousins is concerned - I no longer speak to Nick. I have seen Tommy once since his divorce and I asked him how he was doing, told him to hang in there, etc. The last time Nick tried to communicate with me, he sent me an invite through LinkedIn (a site used by professionals for networking). He listed his job title as 'Independent Sports Professional' (I am not making this up - he really did). I had to accept his invitation (just to be a smack) so I quickly changed my profile to - Industry: Plastics, Job Title: Bottle Topper.

Nameless Number

1:30 a.m. and I can't sleep. Doctor Zhivago is on TCM. David Lean did to this movie what Terrence Malick did to Days of Heaven. I have watched Zhivago over a dozen times, and it is a delight each time. Every scene between Zhivago and Lara is real and passionate, and the cinematography just blows me away. We think we have it hard. I can't imagine what it must have been like living in Russia at a time of tension and great change.

“I don't like people who have never fallen or stumbled. Their virtue is lifeless and it isn't of much value. Life hasn't revealed its beauty to them. ” ― Boris Pasternak

Pasternak's My Sister-Life was written in the summer of 1917. If you love Doctor Zhivago, you will enjoy My Sister-Life. You don't have to be a fan of poetry to appreciate this rich collection of poems. His perceptions of love, life, nature and the world are written in a way only a Russian writer who witnessed the revolution could describe.

Julia and I discuss books on occasion, but she only likes reading the classics. She was born and raised in Novosibirsk, Russia. (Novosibirsk in Russian means "new siberia"). She speaks English very well (better than some people who were born in this country) and is a very well-rounded person. Earlier tonight while we were having coffee with my sister, she described to us how she felt the first time she was able to see American films after the fall of communism. She made me laugh - she memorized Beauty & the Beast .

Pigeon Shit

A couple of days before my family and I left for our trip, I was feeling very down. A friend - Joanne - sent me a funny picture of a pigeon perched on top of a skyscraper looking down on a city. The caption on the picture is in Greek (it reads: who shall I shit on today?). I laughed so hard, my stomach hurt (Joanne, I busted a gut! Thank you!). I forwarded the picture to some of my Greek friends. I will not shit on anyone today, I will not shit on anyone today, (I keep typing 'I will not shit on anyone today' to keep my fingers {and through my fingers my brain} from dwelling on Tuesday's mania ...

A quote my niece (Denise) sent me: "Here's a quote for you Shady ... 'Art washes away from the soul the dust of everyday life - Pablo Picasso' ..." Thank you Denise.

Anyone interested in finding out why my nephew is going to Bo Klua, go to:

www.drexelthaiharvest.org ... Congratulations on the weeder that you and your fellow students developed to help the poor rice growers in that region. I am very proud of you (always). Can you bring me back a little Buddha! (You know how I feel about organized religion - you don't need to go to church every Sunday to prove your faith.)

Julia just came over with little George. Time for some coffee talk ...

Rock N Roll Marathon - Chicago '11

This past summer John, Maria, Denise, Manny & I drove to Chicago to see Denise & Manny in the Rock & Roll Marathon (August 14th). We drove up; John, Maria & I flew back - the kids kept the car & stayed an additional week. I cannot remember the last time I laughed so much with my sister.

This was Denise & Manny's second run in Chicago. Denise has run the marathon three times in Philadelphia and Manny twice. All of the marathons benefit charities. We saw Al Roker (the weather anchorman on NBC's Today Show) cross the finish line. He barely had enough time to catch his breath when he was approached and asked to say a few words. A young dude with a prosthetic leg crossed the finish line a little after Manny & Denise ...

"There are two ways of meeting difficulties: you alter the difficulties, or you alter yourself to meet them. - Phyllis Battome"

Santa Monica

My mom, John, Maria and I are leaving for Los Angeles tomorrow for a week. We will be staying at the JW Marriott Santa Monica Le Merigot Hotel which is not too far from Los Angeles. I'm really looking forward to this trip. I can't wait to see my Uncle Steve as well - we haven't seen him in over a year. Leave it to John to book a Platinum Suite for us in a 7 Star hotel. He got an ugrade to our airline seats to first class. I have never traveled in first class before so this will be a memorable flight for me. My mom and sister get anxious when they are on a plane so they will sit together. John and I are always drinking and have a grand old time. The funny thing is we are supposed to get a few snow flurries in Philly in the afternoon! My mom made me laugh: "It hasn't snowed all winter and it's going to snow the day we are leaving for California." Just to be a smack I told her, "Mom, don't worry, if the wings should happen to freeze they have de-icers, and I'm sure the runway will be treated with some salt before our plane goes barrelling down the take-off lane." I love messing with my mom. I will miss my dad and my cat Gypsy big time. I will also miss Denise & Manoli, and little George. Denise & Manny have nicknames for Maria and I. They have a few for Maria and the most polite nickname that they use for her is "the nose" ... the other two (seldom used) are a little abrasive. They call me "shady" all the time. Denise even taught little George this nickname. Every time George sees me now he says, "Hi Shady!"

I am so grateful to John. He is such a nice guy - I couldn't have asked for a better brother-in-law. He is very considerate when it comes to my parents and me - always looking out for us. My sister is blessed to be married to John. He is a wonderful husband, father, son-in-law and brother-in-law to our family. God Bless you John, and thanks again for inviting my mom and I. As always, we will have a great time.

Rhetorical Flourish

Waiting is the rust of the soul. If I seem fretful it's because I am hoping for a change in my career. I need to go out and binge. I feel like those people who fall off a tree and never quite reach the ground. (I am thinking of a viper, with no creed and no conscience). It's like being trapped in a walking corpse, a corpse that's hungry and refuses to die.

Then there are those who want to die ... Of all the famous people who took their own life, I think the most interesting suicide was that of George Sanders. He was a brilliant Russian-born English film actor (my favorite role of his was Addison DeWitt in All About Eve with Bette Davis). An incredible movie. He was 65 year's old when he checked into a hotel in Castelldefels, a coastal town near Barcelona. He was found dead 2 days later, having taken 5 bottles of Nembutal (the drug of choice for actors at that time). He left behind a suicide note which read: "Dear World, I am leaving because I am bored. I feel I have lived long enough. I am leaving you with your worries in this sweet cesspool. Good luck."

Cesspool - a filthy receptacle or place; any place of moral filth or immorality: a cesspool of iniquity! It's not funny, but I can almost hear his heavy English accent and baritone voice as he washed down his pills with alcohol. He had a very interesting and full life, and was the consummate artist. Not only was he a great actor - he was also a singer-songwriter, music composer, and author.

Truth or Illusion

Truth or Illusion? Illusion is an incomplete perception of truth. Some people have asked me how I came up with "Whatever Love Wants" and the meaning behind same. When the fantasy world people create in order to cope with the absurdity of life is brought too far into reality, it becomes hard to distinguish between authenticity and fiction. This ambiguity is apparent in Whose Afraid of Virginia Woolf (and in Henrik Ibsen's A Doll's House.)

GEORGE: (Moves a little toward the door, smiling slightly) All right, love ... whatever love wants. Just don't start on the bit, that's all.
MARTHA: The bit?

Over the years I have been disillusioned by people telling lies (see Loser Boy posts), or twisting the truth, in order to manipulate people’s thinking. People who lie have some kind of agenda which is frequently self-serving, and they will do whatever they can to fulfill that agenda. Truth is a perception of depth in which we perceive more of what is there, while illusion is a superficial perception of reality.

Throughout Albee's play, illusion seems indistinguishable from reality. I agree with him that a life of illusion is wrong because it creates a false content for life. However, for some people, reality lacks any deeper meaning, and to them love and hate are two parts of a single whole.

An excellent example of someone fearing the truth is my cousin. Hence, his need to lie all the time. He should tell the truth for once in his life, and do his penance by laying out his flaws and weaknesses for all to see. But, if he were to do so, he would be exposing himself to reality, and how the track on which his thoughts run is not completely coincident with reality. There is definitely something wrong with someone who feels the need to lie compulsively more often than not. Who am I to judge? I believe in right and wrong, that there are some absolutes - I have no patience for self-righteous moralists. I don't pass judgment on people or the decisions they make unless their decisions hurt others. Loser Boy finally got his comeuppance for having hurt many people.

He cheated on his wife. His infidelity affected not only his wife, but it will have a long-lasting affect on his children. He is drowning in a sea of loneliness, personal alienation, and has been on a misguided journey seeking to find solace in sex. His acts are just a past-time, a punch-line, a battle-station in some strange, unpleasant, jostling for dominance and relevance. His idea of romantic love has become tangled with isolation and computer-assisted fantasy, his sex-capades have become as mundane as sweating. He is a serial philanderer ... He wishes he were still married so that he could continue to present a falsely happy facade. His collection of nightmares based on his lies are many -- assault & battery, identity theft, fake-a-call-app (which led to a 'wrongful' arrest), food terrorism, animal cruelty, etc. It's enough to make your stomach turn ...

He suffers from persecution mania, delusions of grandeur (oh, his delusions of grandeur, and the grandeur of his delusions!), projection and narcissism (among other illnesses). He is a narcissist alright ... Narcissists project their inadequacies, shortcomings, behaviors, etc. onto others to avoid facing up to their inadequacies. Projection is achieved through blame, criticism and allegation. Every criticism, allegation, etc. that the narcissist makes about their target is actually an admission or revelation about themselves. When the allegations are of financial or sexual impropriety, it is likely that the narcissist has committed these acts. If he makes an allegation of abuse, it is likely he has committed the abuse.

Until he is able to face the truth about his life, he will never find happiness. I used to believe that the umbilical chord was never severed between Loser Boy and his mommie dearest. Unfortunately, I was wrong -- he has remained an embryo ...

Super Scam

I watched the superbowl yesterday and I must confess my favorite part was the half-time show with Madonna. The game itself was a joke! I knew when the referee called a "safety" against Tom Brady that the game was going to be a bore. Who calls a safety in the superbowl? Imagine how many people lost money (those who picked a field goal or a touchdown as the first score of the game were out of luck). I knew right then that the Giants would wind up winning the game.

I read a facinating article in the New York Times regarding the money spent on the game. We're talking about one game (emphasis added). Americans spent more money yesterday than the combined GDP of 25 industrialized nations. Think of that for a moment. There are 196 countries in the world. Can you imagine what we could have done with the billions and billions of dollars spent yesterday on "one game" ...