Cancer and Depression

As much as I'd like to deny it, with cancer comes depression. Some of it from the anger, frustration, fear, etc. that you get from simply having had the disease, some of it comes from physiological changes due the side effects of pills that are designed to protect you from a recurrence.

I have found that I have been able to handle the disease-related depression much more easily than that brought on by the effects of the Arimidex.

I think that part of the reason for this is because my disease has only been nominally symptomatic. I have muscle and bone trouble. Other than pain from that, it really hasn’t caused me real discomfort.

I have pain where I never had pain before. As a result, I get depressed.

I sprained my right ankle as I was walking on the pathway to work on Thursday. I tried to step over a pocket of ice and slid. As I tried to keep myself from falling and hurting my hands, my right foot caved in. I didn't think anything of it - tried to just walk it off - but within an hour my ankle swelled up and was throbbing.

So I keep thinking to myself, would I have sprained my ankle if I were not taking Arimidex? Are my bones too weak?

Next Monday, December 22nd, I have an appointment with my oncologist, Dr. Gupta, at 9:30, and at 11:30 I will have a Dexa Scan. I'll find out how my bones are doing soon. I can't help but wonder, have I lost bone density? Sometimes our minds race ahead of us.

When depression takes hold of me, I feel like rolling up into the fetal position and disappearing. It’s a horrible circle that I have to talk myself out of. I have to keep reminding myself that it will pass. Nothing is permanent in life, not even depression.

We all know that October is Breast Cancer Awareness month.

October is also home to Mental Illness Awareness Week, Depression Screening Day and – depending on what link you check, some sources also call it Depression Awareness Month. More attention needs to be brought to depression. 

For me, depression and the cancer experience go hand in hand. You can't have one without the other. I have always battled depression and have been taking Effexor XR for over 10 years. I have never descended into the black curtain of clinical depression - even after my cancer diagnosis. Sure I was down when Dr. Frazier told me, 'Irene, I'm sorry, your tumor is malignant' but at the time I never imagined I would be dealing with frequent bouts of depression. I thought, okay, this is just a bump in the road I have to get over.

Sarah, my nurse navigator, told me many people become depressed after a cancer diagnosis. I shouldn't be depressed, they caught my breast cancer early, I had a mastectomy - they carved the f@#$ing cancer out of me - I should be feeling happy.

The National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH) offers some thoughts on their website about the link between cancer and depression:

"Depression is not regularly linked with cancer, and there is no proof that one disease causes the other. However, when faced with a diagnosis of cancer, you may feel extreme stress, anger, sadness, or a number of other strong emotions. While these feelings usually lessen over time, they can develop into depression."

The winter months are a tough time to keep the smiles up, even if you’re not a person prone to depression. And, if you happen to be a breast cancer patient or survivor, you can’t escape depression.

It is at times like these that I am grateful for my family and friends who help me through my depression.