Wednesday, September 16, 2015

Fatigue, Depression & Anxiety

I experienced fatigue - extreme fatigue - a couple of months before I was diagnosed with breast cancer. More than the tiredness caused by everyday life stresses.

I still feel tired all the time.

Cancer-related fatigue is a constant feeling of physical or mental exhaustion that makes it hard to function and doesn’t improve with rest. Many factors can cause it, including the cancer itself, the treatment or emotional stress. My doctors have been evaluating my fatigue throughout treatment and recovery, to watch for changes and give advice.

My fatigue now is caused by anxiety - the fear of getting cancer again. How do I cope? Three or four times a week my sister and I go to Planet Fitness after work and walk for an hour. It also helps me deal with pain in my joints, a side-effect of the Arimidex.

Depression is something that all cancer patients experience. Ongoing sadness and lack of interest in doing things that usually bring you pleasure, making it hard to keep up with your daily routine. 

Anxiety makes you feel nervous, worried or overwhelmed. While you might expect anxiety after a cancer diagnosis, the condition may need attention if it continues for a long time.

Depression and anxiety are tied closely together. 

I am sure my aunt will experience these feelings. As long as they don't linger long after treatment she should be okay.  


Theia Lela

My Theia Lela had a L breast mastectomy. They removed one lymph node also. We saw her briefly in the recovery room. The surgery went well according to Dr. Brown. She will be transferred to a room, and hopefully she will be released tomorrow.

We're in Somers Point at the house and will go back to the hospital tonight.

My Uncle George is holding up as well as can be expected.

It seems surreal ... a year ago, I had my surgery.

"When an individual gets cancer, the whole family gets cancer." So true.

I feel bad for my cousin Nick. He lost his first wife to cancer and now his mom is battling this dreadful disease.

My aunt is pretty strong. If anyone can pull through, it's my aunt.

Tuesday, September 8, 2015

Sep. 8th - a date that changed my life forever

A year ago today, I found out I had Stage 1A breast cancer. I have never missed my annual mammograms. I am alive because of my yearly screenings.

For those of you that put off having a mammogram:

According to the National Cancer Data Base, when breast cancer is detected and treated at Stage I, about 95 percent of the patients survive five years or more. The five-year survival rate drops to 90 percent for Stage II, 65 percent for Stage III, and 20 percent for Stage IV.

If you believe screenings are not important, think again. Your life may depend on it.

Wednesday, September 2, 2015

One year ago ...

On September 3, 2014, I had a second mammogram and an ultrasound. My first mammogram, taken on August 30th, showed s suspicious lesion. I didn't think anything of it ... just a precaution. I had just turned 50 and had celebrated that milestone with my family.

When the xray technician took me into a private room and told me I needed to see a surgeon, I again didn't think much about it.

The following day, September 4th, I saw Dr. Frazier who examined me along with Dr. Lloyd. It was at that point I knew something was wrong. I had a needle core biopsy that Friday. Dr. Frazier called me on Monday, September 8th, and told me my tumor was cancerous.

There is no word that evokes more emotion than the dreaded six-letter 'C' word - cancer.

It is so feared that for many years it could only be whispered, not spoken aloud, as if saying 'She has CANCER' meant you could catch it, or worse, that she would not survive.

Much has changed, but the C word still packs quite a serious punch, especially if it is directed at you. I am not going to tell you that it didn’t shake me up. It shook me to the core. I felt as if someone had punched me in the stomach and I couldn't catch my breath.

I learned the turbulent power of the C word. Cancer changes your world in virtually every way imaginable, and in ways that are like your worst nightmare. 

I learned that doctors don’t always know everything and certainly don’t have all the answers, but what many of them lack in absolute certainty they make up for in compassion and caring. I learned that nurses are the unsung rock stars, and that when your mind and body are completely exhausted, you still have the ability to give a little more when you need to. And I have learned that when cancer wins, you have two choices. You can give up and give in to grief and self pity and fear, or you can get yourself together and find the lessons in your experience.

After a couple of months of living in a fog of grief and fear over what might happen to me after my mastectomy, I decided to stop being another victim of the C word. I looked that word straight in the eye, and it taught me some amazing things. I have learned to have courage, beyond what I ever thought I was capable of. In fact, I have learned that I am capable of many things I never thought possible.

I have learned to be compassionate, because everyone is fighting some sort of battle in their lives. I have experienced an incredible gift of clarity and a new commitment to life, learning to embrace every moment and every person in my life.

Many new doors have opened, and I am grateful that I have been able to step through every one. My job has enabled me to embrace more C words, like communication, critical thinking, and collaboration, as we work to make Haverford College an even better school for our students. I have met many students who come in to the Business Department with concerns and questions.

My experience with cancer, despite the pain I endured, has been an incredible life-changing lesson about growth, persistence, strength, and endurance. Cancer has taught me how to rise up again, let go of what doesn’t matter, live in the moment, and cherish those I love. It has taught me how to open my heart, how to trust my journey, and to live life with fierce enthusiasm and grace.

September 8th - the day I found out I had a cancerous tumor in my left breast - is the Virgin Mary's birthday. My mom will go to church and light a candle on the 8th. The number 8 is my favorite number. Coincidence? Maybe.

Those of us whose lives are touched by cancer in some way may never be the same. I believe we can be better, wiser, and kinder, all because of what we learned in the fight against cancer.

I am preparing myself for my first year anniversary after my surgery (September 23rd). I will celebrate one year cancer free. I'm a survivor and it feels great to be alive!



Tuesday, June 9, 2015

Cancer Survivors Day

Eight months and 8 days post surgery. I'm alive and kicking. (8 is my favorite number).

Cancer Survivors Day was yesterday but I celebrated today with my friend Betty. We went out and then hung out at her house watching hail the size of golf balls falling from the stormy sky. I know we need rain but this is ridiculous!

The community of breast cancer patients, my family and friends, and all of my caregivers (doctors, nurses, technicians, etc.) have kept me going despite the endless doctor appointments, blood tests, scans, medicine, side effects and emotions that come with surving breast cancer. 

I have met many cancer survivors both on and off social media and I hope you all found time to celebrate life. Here's hoping all cancers will soon become curable. 

Life is good!


A selfie (me and Betty's dog Daisy). Daisy gets so excited when I go over she hyperventilates!

Saturday, June 6, 2015

Relaxing

I spent some time gardening after I mowed the lawn today. I'm looking forward to spending more time outside this summer. 

Monday I started a new position at work. I moved to the Business Dept. and am now an administrative assistant and an assistant to Kathy (Accounts Payable). 

I got through my first week.

Gardening relaxes me, connecting with nature, with the outdoors. Well over 100 studies have shown the benefits of being outside in nature. Mood improves, productivity increases, and stress is reduced. This is a healing way to de-stress and lower cortisol - that stress hormone that can ruin your health when its levels are high for too long.

I am sitting out back enjoying the fruits of my labor. The double-blooming roses are beautiful. My cacti are doing great - three have bloomed.

Our yard is a place of beautiful colors, the red earth feeding the plants, the blue cloud-filled sky today was nice. It wasn't too hot. Now I am watching the minute by minute changes in the sky as the day ends. It's getting darker and darker. The quiet is relaxing. Even the birds have hunkered down for the night.

My mind and body are able to fully relax. Finally.

A trip to the beach, a walk through a park, or a hike into the hills can feel like a mini vacation.

I gave myself the gift of nature and relaxation. I will do the same tomorrow.

Tuesday, May 19, 2015

Adversity


"The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. These people have an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen." ~ Elisabeth Kubler-Ross


Pictures worth a thousand words.

Life is good.

Friday, May 15, 2015

The Thrill is Gone - RIP BB King

Whenever I am feeling down and depressed this song from the King of Blues brings me up.


It's an inspirational song that reminds us to keep moving forward no matter how bad things get.

I had the pleasure to see BB King live in Athens, Greece many years ago. An incredible performance.

The Thrill is Gone ... Lucille ... stories that only BB could express beautifully. One of many blues singers from the Mississippi delta who with his voice and unique guitar rifts told stories of the downtrodden.

We lost another great entertainer and human being.

Thursday, May 7, 2015

Plumb down ...

I was supposed to be fitted this Monday for my bras and prosthetic. Unfortunately, the physical therapist, Julie, called out sick.  Now I have to wait until June 1st. The workshop with Yellow Daffodil is once a month, and patients have to be fitted before they can order bras. Oh well, shit happens ...

On Tuesday I will see a Urologist, Dr. Lanchoney, because I have been seeing blood when I urinate. Oh well, shit happens ... (I haven't told my parents - don't want to worry them.) My sister knows and we're waiting to see what might be causing the blood. It is unlikely that it is a bladder infection because it doesn't burn, hurt, etc. Regardless of whether or not this is another side affect of the Arimidex (the lining of your bladder, vagina, etc. may wear away with time), I will continue to take the pills because I have no other choice.

As far as my bruising is concerned, I went from developing 'nickel' size bruises to 'figure eights' ... I don't want to be redundant, but again - shit happens ...

Eight is my favorite number. Always has been and always will be. I don't like odd numbers. Even numbers tend to be lucky for me (8 and 22). There is just something about the number eight. As a figure, it's endless if you think about it. If you've ever skated a figure eight, you will understand where I'm coming from.


Went from Hydrocortisone to Gold Bond to Bacitracin for the rash below my left breast.

 
It's all good. My new normal ... busting a gut!
 
I remember a very, very old saying by Woody Guthrie:
 
"Don't let nothing get you plumb down."
 
AIN'T IT THE TRUTH!

Wednesday, May 6, 2015

Leaders responsible for Greece's economic collapse

The Greeks have to live with belt tightening and domination by the troika for however long it takes, and that may be a long and painful time, or default and return to the drachma and probably wind up out of the EU with all the perils that await them there. The middle road they have been coasting down the last half decade has run out. The game of cat and mouse has run its course. So has the poker game being played on both sides. You can only bluff for so long ... eventually the other side catches on.

Greece has been run by crooks and they have left huge debts while filling their own pockets. Books have been faked. What needs to be done is bring those that mismanaged Greece to trial and lock them up.

Below is an excellent article highlighting the crooks that ruined Greece. This is just a partial list - there are many more individuals responsible for Greece's financially destitute situation. I read this on Politico this morning and it is very interesting:


History shows that a long line of leaders helped make Greece the economic basket case it is today.
By DAMIAN MAC CON ULADH 5/5/15, 6:00 AM CET Updated 5/5/15, 1:23 PM CET

As negotiations inch along between the Syriza government and Greece’s international creditors, the blame for the nation’s looming financial collapse would seem to rest entirely on the shoulders of Prime Minister Alex Tsipras and Finance Minister Yanis Varoufakis. But not really: History provides ample evidence that a long line of leaders, from Winston Churchill to Constantine II, helped make Greece the economic basket case it is today.
Here are some of the guiltiest culprits:
Konstantis and Georgios Mavromichalis (died 1831)
When Greek-born Ioannis Kapodistrias was appointed independent Greece’s first governor in 1827, little did he realize that the job would be tougher than his former post as Russia’s foreign minister. Accustomed to working on the diplomatic stage, Kapodistrias soon found that his vision of a modern Greek state was not shared by everyone, especially the provincial elites.In 1831, he was stabbed in the stomach and shot in the head as he made his way to church by Konstantis and Georgios Mavromichalis. The killing was revenge for Kapodistrias’s jailing of their respective father and brother, the warlord Petrobey Mavromichalis. His assassination plunged Greece into chaos, leading the European powers to impose a foreign king, the young Bavarian prince Otto, on the young country, giving it a first taste of German rule.
Winston Churchill (1874–1965)
In 1944, Greece’s leftist partisan movement managed to see the backs of the German army after three and a half years of brutal wartime occupation. Unbeknownst of them, British prime minister Winston Churchill and Soviet leader Joseph Stalin had secretly divvied up eastern Europe and the Balkans on a piece of paper, placing Greece within Britain’s sphere of influence. While communist leaders also bear responsibility, Churchill’s determination to restore the unpopular Greek monarchy, as well as his determination to exclude former communist partisans from the new Greek army, pushed Greece further down its calamitous path to civil war.
Constantine II (1940– )
Since Greece became a parliamentary republic in 1974, its former king has had no role in political or public life, to almost universal relief. Assuming the throne at the age of 23, Constantine caused enough damage from 1964 to 1967. Soon, he found himself at loggerheads with the centrist government, led by George Papandreou, who eventually resigned. Constantine then sought to create amenable governments using centrist party defectors, which fuelled a constitutional crisis and political instability that ultimately led to the 1967 military coup.
Georgios Papadopoulos (1919–1999)
The weak state of Greek democracy was dealt a major blow in 1967 when a group of mid-level army officers, led by Colonel Georgios Papadopoulos, staged a successful coup d’état. Seven years of dictatorship followed, during which Papadopoulos himself was deposed in a coup by hardliners. While Papadopoulos would later die in prison, his asinine medical metaphors—he often likened himself to a doctor trying to cure a sick patient (Greece)—were redeployed by advocates of taking a tough line on Greece when crisis struck in 2009.
Andreas Papandreou (1919–1996)
Greece’s longest serving prime minister since the restoration of democracy in 1974, Andreas Papandreou left an indelible mark on Greek politics and its economy. Over the course of his decade in office (1981–89, 1993–96), the Harvard-trained economist introduced long overdue social and progressive reforms and stacked the civil service with his socialist Pasok party supporters. While he elevated many Greeks to the middle class, that success came at the heavy cost of drastically increasing the budget deficit and public debt levels. As corruption scandals mounted in the late 1980s, Papandreou created a sideshow by ditching his wife in favor of his airhostess mistress.
Kostas Karamanlis (1956– )
Like many Greek prime ministers, Kostas Karamanlis became leader of the county largely on the strength of his surname – his uncle was prime minister and president at various stages from 1955 to 1995 – and because he promised to  “re-establish” the state. But in his five year tenure (2004–2009), few reforms were enacted, and the government lost control of Greece’s public finances. Had Karamanlis spent less time in front of his Playstation, as is widely rumored, maybe things could have been better. The rocketing budget deficit and debt-to-GDP ratio, which were continuously revised upward during and after his rule, paved the way for the next government to ask for a bailout.
George Papandreou (1952– )
Prime minister like his father and grandfather before him, George Papandreou was elected in October 2009 using the vote-catching slogan “there is money,” despite being aware of the county’s dire economic situation. Unable to manage the ensuing fiscal crisis, Papandreou requested a €110 billion bailout deal from European Union and International Monetary Fund six months later. To the disbelief of most Greeks, the oblivious former leader attempted a political comeback in the 2015 election, in which he campaigned on an anti-austerity programme.
Akis Tsoschatzopoulos (1939– )
Greece would be in a far worse place today had former interior minister Akis Tsochatzopoulos been successful in his bid to become prime minister in 1996. Luckily, he only came within six votes of replacing Andreas Papandreou as leader of the socialist Pasok party. In 2013, a court sentenced Tsochatzopoulos, now 75, to life imprisonment for pocketing €55 million in kickbacks from military procurements from 1996 to 2001, when he was defense minister. His wife, ex-wife, daughter, cousin, and business associates were all implicated in the scandal, most of whom were also jailed.
Greek Oligarchs
With legacies extending back decades in cases, Greece’s oligarchs have emerged relatively unscathed from the Greek crisis and continue to control vast wealth, which is largely inherited but also derives from continued interests in shipping, communications, banking, construction and public works. This coterie of powerful Greek businessmen used political connections with former conservative and socialist governments to win contracts and restrict the Greek market. They also own and exert editorial control over most, if not all, of the privately-held media companies, in a country where public broadcasting remains largely under state control. The new Syriza-led government has promised to rein in the oligarchs, but some things are easier said than done.
Petros Kostopoulos (1954– )
Businessman and flamboyant publisher Petros Kostopoulos gained fame during the media boom years in the 1990s. He introduced a series of highly popular lifestyle magazines to Athens that sought to break taboos and emulate urban fashions from more affluent western countries. The underlying message in his publications and editorials was one of unbridled consumerism. Cue the multiple credit cards, Cayenne Porsches, skiing holidays, extravagant home loans, and private swimming pools. All these status symbols became more attainable after Greece, one of the poorest countries in the European Union, adopted the euro in 2001, which gave its banks easier access to cheap money.
Nikos Michaloliakos (1957– )
Relatively unknown until a few years ago, Nikos Michaloliakos and his neo-Nazi Golden Dawn party have capitalized on the Greek crisis to propel them to seats in the Greek and European parliaments. Appearing immune from the police or the justice system, Golden Dawn gangs patrolled inner-city streets, intimidating and sometimes beating migrants and political opponents. Only after a Golden Dawn supporter fatally stabbed the anti-fascist singer Pavlos Fyssas in 2013 did the state react by jailing Michaloliakos and several other Golden Dawn leaders, who will soon go on trial on charges of forming and running a criminal organization.
Troika
The troika – made up of the European Commission, European Central Bank, and International Monetary Fund – bears a fair share of the blame for Greece’s current state. The troika’s programs are based on over-optimistic growth projections, which have led to a number of revisions to Greece’s debt sustainability. Fiscal austerity has imposed a huge social cost upon the Greek people, pushing people out of work and into poverty, and leaving hundreds of thousands without access to public healthcare.
Damian Mac Con Uladh is a reporter for The Irish Times, based in Athens. Follow him on Twitter @damomac.

Wednesday, April 29, 2015

Despair

“Most people live in fear of some terrible event changing their lives, the death of a loved one or a serious illness. For the chronically ill, this terrible event has already happened, and we have been let in on an amazing secret: You survive. You adapt, and your life changes, but in the end you go on, with whatever compromises you have been forced to make, whatever losses you have been forced to endure. You learn to balance your fears with the simple truth that you must go on living.” - Jamie Weisman 

I must remember to read this quote often. Between the nickel size bruise marks on my body and the blood in my urine (which developed this past weekrnd), I must not lose sight of the fact that this is my 'new normal' ... My oncologist told me this in my body adjusting to the Arimidex, some of side effects.



Sticks and stones will break my bones
But tears don't leave any scars
So I'm all alright, I'm all alright
I've felt this way before ...

Tuesday, April 28, 2015

Troubled ...




“Laugh, and the world laughs with you;
Weep, and you weep alone;
For the sad old earth must borrow its mirth,
But has trouble enough of its own.
Sing, and the hills will answer;
Sigh, it is lost on the air;
The echoes bound to a joyful sound,
But shrink from voicing care.

Rejoice, and men will seek you;
Grieve, and they turn and go;
They want full measure of all your pleasure,
But they do not need your woe.
Be glad, and your friends are many;
Be sad, and you lose them all,
There are none to decline your nectared wine,
But alone you must drink life’s gall.

Feast, and your halls are crowded;
Fast, and the world goes by.
Succeed and give, and it helps you live,
But no man can help you die.
There is room in the halls of pleasure
For a large and lordly train,
But one by one we must all file on
Through the narrow aisles of pain. ” 

 
 

Busting a gut with Buddy

Buddy ... busting a gut! He sits like this more often than not. I called this his 'drunk' pose.



Holding Buddy ...



There are many intelligent species in the universe. They all own cats.

Monday, April 27, 2015

Laughter

I love this picture (my mom, my Aunt Ismini & my uncle Caesar).

I took after my mom - when we laugh sometimes we bust a gut!



A close-up ...


The most wasted of all days is that in which we have not laughed. ~ Sébastien-Roch Nicolas (Chamfort), translated from French

Saturday, April 25, 2015

Mary Elizabeth Frye

Julia's paternal grandmother died. She was crossing the street in Russia and got hit by a truck.

Do Not Stand By My Grave & Weep

This original poem was written in 1932 by Mary Elizabeth Frye (1905-2004) from Baltimore, MD. There are in existence many slightly different versions of the poem. This famous poem has been read at countless funerals and public occasions. The author composed this poem in a moment of inspiration, and scribbled it on a paper bag. She wrote it to comfort a family friend who had just lost her mother and was unable to even visit her grave. This is the only surviving poem of Mary Elizabeth Frye.

Do Not Stand By My Grave & Weep

Do not stand at my grave and weep
I am not there; I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow,
I am the diamond glints on snow,
I am the sun on ripened grain,
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you awaken in the morning's hush
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft stars that shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry,
I am not there; I did not die.

Wednesday, April 22, 2015

A special kind of people

There are some people in the world,
Who are just a little different from the rest.
These people have been through Hell,
But have come out better than the best. 
I’ve only met a few of these gems,
But each one has left their mark on my life.
We’re a special kind of people,
We take life without all the strife.


Iv'e got a pinch of tobacco in my pocket,
I'm not gonna roll it, I'm not gonna to smoke it till we're staring at the stars and the rockets twinkling in the silvery night.
And though the sun may be washed by the sea and the old will be lost in the new, and though you will not wait for me ... I'll wait for you.

Keep the faith my dearest friends. It gets better ... trust me things always find a way of working themselves out.

Life is good!

Friday, April 17, 2015

What's wrong?

When The Times invited essays on the topic, “What’s wrong with the world?” G. K. Chesterton in a letter offered his famous terse response, “I am.” We applaud his reply — and the world has not changed. 

I googled how many wars / conflicts are taking place in the world. The total number of countries involved in wars is 65 which is very sad.

The US is involved in quite a number of these conflicts - both openly and behind the scenes.


The two main reasons for the majority of these conflicts: INEQUALITY and RELIGION

Below is a list of hot zones.

AFRICA:

(27 Countries and 177 between militias-guerrillas, separatist groups and anarchic groups involved)

Hot Spots: Central African Republic (civil war), Democratic Republic of Congo (war against rebel groups), Egypt (popular uprising against Government), Libya (war against islamist militants), Mali (war against tuareg and islamist militants), Nigeria (war against islamist militants), Somalia (war against islamist militants), Sudan (war against rebel groups), South Sudan (civil war)

ASIA:

(16 Countries and 145 between militias-guerrillas, separatist groups and anarchic groups involved)

Hot Spots: Afghanistan (war against islamist militants), Burma-Myanmar (war against rebel groups), Pakistan (war against islamist militants), Philippines (war against islamist militants), Thailand (coup d’etat by army May 2014)

EUROPE:

(9 Countries and 72 between militias-guerrillas, separatist groups and anarchic groups involved)

Hot Spots: Chechnya (war against islamist militants), Dagestan (war against islamist militants), Ukraine (Secession of self-proclaimed Donetsk People’s Republic and self-proclaimed Luhansk People’s Republic)

MIDDLE EAST:

(8 Countries and 215 between militias-guerrillas, separatist groups and anarchic groups involved)

Hot Spots: Iraq (war against Islamic State islamist militants), Israel (war against islamist militants in Gaza Strip), Syria (civil war), Yemen (war against and between islamist militants)

AMERICAS:

(5 Countries and 25 between drug cartels, militias-guerrillas, separatist groups and anarchic groups involved)

Hot Spots: Colombia (war against rebel groups), Mexico (war against narcotraffic groups)

TOTAL:

Number of Countries involved in wars 65

Number Militias-guerrillas and separatist groups involved 636




My Friend - Cy Coleman

My Friend (by Cy Coleman). From the musical The life.


Another one of my favorite musicals!

Wishing everyone a great weekend.

Wednesday, April 15, 2015

Money

Harder still it has proved to rule the dragon Money … A whole generation adopted false principles, and went to their graves in the belief they were enriching the country they were impoverishing. ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

No truer words have ever been spoken.

Breathing

Change your perception and your world changes. Just breathing is a cause for celebration ...

I must remember to stop and smell the coffee.

Life is good!