When the xray technician took me into a private room and told me I needed to see a surgeon, I again didn't think much about it.
The following day, September 4th, I saw Dr. Frazier who examined me along with Dr. Lloyd. It was at that point I knew something was wrong. I had a needle core biopsy that Friday. Dr. Frazier called me on Monday, September 8th, and told me my tumor was cancerous.
There is no word that evokes more emotion than the dreaded six-letter 'C' word - cancer.
It is so feared that for many years it could only be whispered, not spoken aloud, as if saying 'She has CANCER' meant you could catch it, or worse, that she would not survive.
Much has changed, but the C word still packs quite a serious punch, especially if it is directed at you. I am not going to tell you that it didn’t shake me up. It shook me to the core. I felt as if someone had punched me in the stomach and I couldn't catch my breath.
I learned the turbulent power of the C word. Cancer changes your world in virtually every way imaginable, and in ways that are like your worst nightmare.
I learned that doctors don’t always know everything and certainly don’t have all the answers, but what many of them lack in absolute certainty they make up for in compassion and caring. I learned that nurses are the unsung rock stars, and that when your mind and body are completely exhausted, you still have the ability to give a little more when you need to. And I have learned that when cancer wins, you have two choices. You can give up and give in to grief and self pity and fear, or you can get yourself together and find the lessons in your experience.
After a couple of months of living in a fog of grief and fear over what might happen to me after my mastectomy, I decided to stop being another victim of the C word. I looked that word straight in the eye, and it taught me some amazing things. I have learned to have courage, beyond what I ever thought I was capable of. In fact, I have learned that I am capable of many things I never thought possible.
I have learned to be compassionate, because everyone is fighting some sort of battle in their lives. I have experienced an incredible gift of clarity and a new commitment to life, learning to embrace every moment and every person in my life.
Many new doors have opened, and I am grateful that I have been able to step through every one. My job has enabled me to embrace more C words, like communication, critical thinking, and collaboration, as we work to make Haverford College an even better school for our students. I have met many students who come in to the Business Department with concerns and questions.
My experience with cancer, despite the pain I endured, has been an incredible life-changing lesson about growth, persistence, strength, and endurance. Cancer has taught me how to rise up again, let go of what doesn’t matter, live in the moment, and cherish those I love. It has taught me how to open my heart, how to trust my journey, and to live life with fierce enthusiasm and grace.
September 8th - the day I found out I had a cancerous tumor in my left breast - is the Virgin Mary's birthday. My mom will go to church and light a candle on the 8th. The number 8 is my favorite number. Coincidence? Maybe.
Those of us whose lives are touched by cancer in some way may never be the same. I believe we can be better, wiser, and kinder, all because of what we learned in the fight against cancer.
I am preparing myself for my first year anniversary after my surgery (September 23rd). I will celebrate one year cancer free. I'm a survivor and it feels great to be alive!
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