Julia called me this morning, and even though I was asleep, I was grateful she woke me up. She had to drop off the baby to Loser Boy (her ex) at the Lawrence Park Shopping Center. I have the misfortune of being related to this idiot. Loser Boy is the moron who tried (key word - tried) to plant mice in two pizza shops in Upper Darby in an effort to drive these two shops out of business. Rather than bore my esteemed readers with an arrogant display of my time-displacement capabilities, or a diagrammed thesis on Loser Boy in the chronosphere - I have decided on something much more interesting and far less insulting - an exact replica of our solar system the day Loser Boy planted the mice in the two pizza shops. On that memorable day, (after having viewed the surveillance tape of the crime being committed in the first shop), it was disappointingly obvious that Loser Boy was of superior intellect and extraordinary ability ... or rather he "appeared" to be so ... After a long and tedious investigation on my behalf, and upon further observation (up close), I found that Loser Boy was mentally challenged. Hence, the look of awe and bewilderment on his face (and enough bags under his eyes to go shopping with) when Loser Boy was released the next morning. (He tried to turn back upon seeing all the reporters outside only to be told by his attorney "Nick, they are not going anywhere, you have to go out this way ...")
Everyone was in disbelief with the exception of me. I had predicted that Loser Boy would implode two weeks prior to his arrest. I was the only person who, after looking at the moon the night before the incident, had noticed that the moon was misaligned by a small amount - miniscule actually - .04 degrees.
Just kidding ... it had nothing to do with the moon. I really did warn the asshole that eventually he would get into trouble (after being summoned to his apartment by his mother). On that day (again memorable), I had to drop off the baby at the CVS parking lot. My uncle asked me "is this the baby's breakfast?" (his question was loaded with sarcasm). Of course, since I had not slept the night before, (Loser Boy spent the night slashing Julia's and Eleni's tires), I had to respond in kind to my uncle. I began to cry from utter exhaustion ...
So while his brother, Tommy, was in the hospital in a comatose state, Loser Boy was out joy-riding all week leading up to his arrest. What a way to support your brother in his time of need, ha! Poor Tommy (literally and figuratively speaking of course). He was laid up in the hospital for months after smoking and eating himself to near death. Near death ... in my opinion, Tommy appears to have a death wish (but more on Tommy and his trials and tribulations in another post). I'm having a hard time coming up with a title for that post ... Spontaneous Combustion? No, it wasn't spontaneous combustion. I mean he was smoking while hooked up to an oxygen tank when a great ball of fire exploded in his face. I can still remember the glistening tint on his face (pink and raw) when my sister, brother-in-law and I visited him a week after he suffered those third-degree burns. I knew his marriage was in trouble when his wife walked in the door with a look of disgust on her face. She was cordial and spent some time with us at the dinner table while we drank coffee, but everytime Tommy tried to explain to us what happened (he was in obvious pain), she would look at him with marked aversion. The odor in that house was unbelievable - the smell of garbage, body odor, open wounds, infected bodily fluids ...
A more suitable title for a post regarding Tommy would be "The Disgarded Son" - (Tommy always played second fiddle to Loser Boy - the chosen one - the golden boy). I love Tommy - he has a good heart, but he never had a chance. Not with a mother whose speech was full of vitriol. Tommy, in case you come across my blog (although it is unlikely you would type "whatever love wants" in any search engines), I want you to know that I love you. I understand why your life ended up the way it did - believe me.
Somehow I can't see Tommy performing a "whatever love wants" search. I can see him typing "what the #%$! does the bitch want" in the toolbar ... that I can see.
No comments:
Post a Comment