I can't breathe

I see my oncologist in April and my surgeon in May. Those appointments can't come soon enough.

My left breast (my good one) is itching and I am experiencing fatigue. Hopefully, it's just dry skin and exhaustion from work. My mind is playing tricks on me. I told my boss Nikki and she told me it's normal to be afraid.

I have been battling anxiety, sadness and fear about my future and it is difficult to explain this to my family and friends.

These feelings are normal. How many times have I heard that ...

When I talk about how I'm feeling it helps to alleviate some of the anxiety.

The only thing that gets me through these difficult moments is knowing that others are experiencing similar feelings. I feel 'normal' after I remind myself there are many breast cancer survivors out there experiencing what I am experiencing.

I feel isolated. Sometimes so much so that I have a hard time breathing.

How do I deal with thinking that every ache, pain or itch I feel in my body is the cancer coming back?

What does the constant swelling and pain under my arm mean? Should I call my doctors or is this part of my normal adjustment period?

I am still adjusting to what is just pain and what is a potential recurrence.

I promised my mom I will call Dr. Hyett, my gynecologist, today. I even set a reminder on my phone. Maybe after I talk to him it will make me feel better.

Last night I sat outside and watched the day disappear. After one of the coldest winters in a long time it felt good just to be outside.

I felt like I could breathe again.